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It's Tom Cruise's Mission In Life To Expel The Evil Aliens That Live Inside Us All…And MORE Details From New Scientology Exposé!

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Oh boy…

We all knew the CRAZY was coming in a big way when it was announced that Pulitzer Prize-winning author Lawrence Wright would be releasing an expose on Scientology called Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood & the Prison of Belief, but now that it's set to be released this week and is already garnering critical praise left and right, new details about just WHAT exactly goes down in the religious organization are spilling out…and they make the earlier excerpts regarding Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman's marriage look like the paradigm of sanity and logic!

In fact, according to new details, the controversial actor, who has been praising Xenu since he was only 23, was able to rise to the top of Scientology because of his celebrity status and friendship with David Miscavige and now, is reportedly number three in the hierarchy!

As he apparently told

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Walking Dead Gains 4th Season, Loses Show-Runner!

Filed under: TV News

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As John Travolta always never says, "whenever Xenu closes a door, he opens a window… to an intergalactic space cruiser!"

Likewise, AMC renewed The Walking Dead for a fourth season yesterday, but closed the door on their current former show-runner! Yay!/Aww!

Those saddened to not find an apocalypse outside their window yesterday morning should find comfort in knowing the dead will walk the earth for at least another year!

Why wasn't season three show-runner Glen Mazzara invited to participate?!

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Tom Cruise Pre-Screens His Support Staff For Elusive Scientology Gene?

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The selection process is nearly that intense!

While the Jack Reacher star doesn't go so far as to test his minions' blood for traces of Xenu, Tom Cruise does force his otherwise-qualified auxiliary staff of assistants, drivers, hit-men, & estate managers to jump through hoops at the Scientology Celebrity Center in Hollywood!

One source close to the family revealed:

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John Travolta SWEARS He Healed A Car Accident Victim With Scientology!

john travolta scientology healing car accident shanghai grease happy ending

Xenu have mercy!

We know hear John Travolta is a fan of happy endings, but this claim sounds unbelievable!!

The star of Look Who's Talking, Look Who's Talking Too, and Look Who's Talking Now traveled to China recently where he practiced his faith healing in between bites of sesame shrimp.

The actor revealed:

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Katie Holmes & Suri Cruise Chased Out Of NYC By Xenu Hurricane Sandy!

Filed under: Katie HolmesSuri CruiseNew York

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Rich or poor, skinny or fat, secularist or Scientologist, Hurricane Sandy continues to affect everyone in New York City!

Katie Holmes, like many other Chelsea residents, were sadly displaced in the wake of the deadly catastrophe.

She and daughter Suri Cruise weathered the storm, literally, for as long as possible, but the devastating effects eventually forced them to relocate.

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Tom Cruise Is Barred From Seeing Suri And It's Killing Him!

Filed under: Tom CruiseLove LineKatie HolmesDisneySuri Cruise

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Everyone knows how rough a divorce can be for a little girl caught in the middle! Sometimes we overlook how hard it is on the estranged parent who rarely sees their child!

Tom Cruise recently spoke out about his inability to see Suri Cruise and he became very emotional.

He revealed:

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Look Who's Talking To Perez! Kirstie Alley Denies Trying To Lure R-Patz Into Scientology!

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Looks like Robert Pattinson is safe from the clutches of Xenu for now!

Or at least Kirstie Alley, anyway!

Although reports have circulated that the actress, who is a well-known Scientologist, has been spearheading a campaign to get the recently heartbroken actor to join the religion to make it more appealing to the younger generation, it's apparently NOT true it all!

And how do we know?

Because Kirstie has reached out

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Kirstie Alley Denies Trying To Lure R-Patz Into ScientologyKirstie Alley Denies Trying To Lure R-Patz Into ScientologyKirstie Alley Denies Trying To Lure R-Patz Into ScientologyKirstie Alley Denies Trying To Lure R-Patz Into ScientologyKirstie Alley Denies Trying To Lure R-Patz Into ScientologyKirstie Alley Denies Trying To Lure R-Patz Into Scientology