Whatever happened to some candles, flowers, and some R&B?!?!
Well, when it comes to wildlife, that crap is thrown out the window and in many cases, the man ends up dying in the process!
Two Words: Penis Fight. Yep…penis fighting.
Being hermaphrodites, flatworms can produce and give birth to babies. So how do they settle this?
By crossing swords! BTDubs, The technical term is "penis fencing."
Flatworms "fight" with their penises until one impregnates the other. Loser goes the spoils we guess?
Male brown antechinuses are pretty much sexual deviants. When mating season begins, they have sex NON-STOP!!!
They have so much sex, they don't eat or sleep, causing them to become sick and eventually, they just die…
Talk about going out in a blaze of glory!
This may be one of the most effed up ones!
Male anglerfish are born without digestive systems (???) so they must latch onto lady anglerfish by biting the female which fuses them together PERMANENTLY!
Eventually, the male's brain, eyes, and organs dissolve until they just become a lump on the female's back.
What does this lump do? If you guessed released sperm into the female, you're
Female tree crickets are VERY hungry. Remember this fact.
Male tree crickets cut holes in leaves to act as amplifiers for their mating calls. This attracts a female and you would think this is just normal sex.
Except, the male's sperm packet is bigger than the female's cavity, causing it to hang out a bit.
So the female tries to EAT IT! To stop this, the male sings to the female and drops tasty goo off its back to feed her until the sex is over.
Snails perform a ritual called The Love Dart and this is anything BUT LOVELY.
Being hermaphrodites, like flatworms, snails can be the male or the female.
So when two snails mate, they PUNCH EACH IN THE NECK WITH THEIR WANGS!
Snails' genitalia are housed in the neck and either snail can become pregnant. Unfortunately, snails have horrible aim and either snail can die too.
This is just disgusting!
Female hippos are scarce and they are HIGHLY coveted. So how does a male hippo get his mack on?
Males defecate and urinate at the same time and swirl their tail in a circle. This action randomly flings their concoction around and the ladies LOVE IT!
Red-Sided Garter Snake:
These snakes LOVE orgies.
One female snake with sleep with 30,000 males snakes and when mating season comes, GET OUT OF THE WAY!
All 30,000 snakes will gather and form a giant snake orgy ball, just for this ONE female!
The kicker? These snakes have TWO PENISES!
Argentine Lake Ducks:
Evolution: Thy name is the Argentine Lake Duck.
These ducks are very small. Their penises on the other hand…not so much.
Male Argentine lake duck penises range from 9 to 17 INCHES! They also have a brush tip to wipe away other sperm and they can use their long phallus to "lasso" a resisting female.
Luckily, the female can still maintain control and most forced sex is unsuccessful.
Rounding out the top ten includes sea hares (a type of sea slug) forming massive chains of interchangeable sex and freshwater mussels, who eject their babies onto fish so the larva can grow.
Just be thankful humans don't mate like ANY of these animals.
But sometimes, it could be worse…LOLz!