Holly Madison Contemplated A Bathtub Suicide During Her Stay At The Playboy Mansion

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We’re so glad she’s now doing well!

As we reported in March, Holly Madison penned a tell-all memoir called Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny where she details her nightmarish life at the Playboy Mansion.

[ Related: Holly Madison Fabulously Puts All Her Curves On Display! ]

Well, we are now hearing details of how tragic her stay truly was!

While many assume the now 35-year-old lived a glamorous life, the Oregon native depicts the mansion as a place of drama, backstabbing, and despair.

She says:

“Everyone thinks that the infamous metal gate was meant to keep people out. But I grew to feel it was meant to lock me in.”

Her depression began spiraling out of control when she began developing self-esteem and body issues that made her get a nose job.

However, even with cosmetic surgery, her sadness fully consumed her.

In 2002, the blonde beauty recalls lying a bathtub and seriously thought about ending her life.

“If I just put my head under water and take a deep breath in, it would all be over.”

And her decision to commit suicide was only made worse by intoxication.

“Maybe it was the pot and the alcohol, but drowning myself seemed like the logical way to escape the ridiculous life I was leading.”

She thought about her boyfriend Hugh Hefner and how he would react if she died.

“Would he even miss me? No, I was certain I was just another warm body ├óΓé¼ΓÇ£ as we all were. ‘Just another blonde,’ I could hear him say.”‘

Madison eventually came to the conclusion that if she went through with her plan, the magazine founder would’ve had it “swept under the rug,” just like every other “scandal and ghost that once plagued Hugh Hefner.”

The television personality eventually overcame this traumatic experience and is using her past as a platform to share her story.

“Thankfully the only thing greater than my need to escape was my desire to share my experience. If I sunk my head below the water and went to sleep, no one would ever know the truth.”

We are so happy that Holly was able to fight her demons and is now vocalizing her narrative to the world!

Her book comes out on June 23.

[Image via WENN.]

Jun 10, 2015 1:12pm PDT

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