What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas… right?
Hahaha, no, silly! It goes all over the Internet where it lives forever — at least, that’s true of Monday night’s episode of The Bachelor!
Poor ol’ Ben Higgins has, like, 58 girls to choose from still, so he took all the lucky ladies (including Olivia “Cray Cray” Caridi) to the city of sin to… find love?!
LOLz! No! Ben and the girls head to Vegas to enjoy ridiculous shenanigans, ventriloquism, and… marriage. But not their own marriage. Other people’s marriages. You’ll see.
So it all started when Ben decided to pick out JoJo for the first one-on-one date on the Vegas Strip.
Nothing special happened — just your run-of-the-mill helicopter ride, fireworks, and a windswept, hot make out session that all the other girls secretly watched from their hotel suite far above the street.
But that’s all been there, done that with this show, right?!
So where do we get the controversy?! Oh, right! Olivia!!
The news anchor-wannabe was part of a group date that saw the ladies head to Terry Fator‘s famed ventriloquist act at The Mirage, where the girls all had to come up with a special talent to perform in front of the audience as Fator’s opening act.
We saw some talent: Jubilee Sharpe whipped out her cello, no big deal, while twins Haley and Emily did an Irish dance routine.
There was some goofiness, though, too — including a chicken costume — and then there was Olivia.
Deciding she didn’t have much in the way of talent, Caridi turned on the
charm sexual advances, popped out of a cake, and did a sexy strip tease… that sort of bombed.
Then, inexplicably, she had a panic attack and requested TV cameras get away from her. No cameras?? She knows she signed up for The Bachelor, right?? Ha!!!
More Olivia in a minute.
Anyways, Lauren B. got the date rose, because she’s the freakin’ frontrunner, and Ben took special time to call Caila a “sex panther.” It’s the little moments of love that really mean so much on this show, y’all.
Then, Becca — the virgin! — got to go on a solo date with Ben and a hundred dead neon signs (don’t ask) after the two of them… married people at a Vegas wedding chapel?!
Yes, Higgins became an ordained minister, apparently, and he enlisted Becca’s help in marrying a couple in love. Only on The Bachelor, folks.
While Becca is kinda boring, she does have good chemistry with Ben, and you’d have to imagine she and Lauren B. are the leaders heading into the clubhouse unless — whoa, wait a minute! We’ve got a twin date!
Yes, Ben decided to take a little side trip in Nevada to go twinning — with Haley and Emily’s mom!
While on the impromptu home date, Ben decided it would be best to pick one of the two twins (smart thinking, Higgins), and he dumped Haley by the curb, leaving two more women left to leave behind when it came time for the final rose ceremony.
At that rose ceremony, Amber and Rachel got bounced.
That’s all good. Amber was brutal to Jubilee last week, and we’re not 100% sure we’ve actually seen Rachel speak, so… vaya con dios!
Picked with the very final rose of the night, Olivia was saved by the hair of her chinny-chin-chin, and promptly went from panic-mode trainwreck right back to psychic-communication crazy, claiming she and Higgins were on the same page telepathically… again.
OK, girl. OK.
There you have it, folks. Lauren B. and Becca look strong, twin Emily looks promising, Jubilee is absolutely an outside contender, and… well, Olivia is still just hanging around.
What do U think about how The Bachelor is shaping up?!
[Images via ABC.]