***WARNING: Scream Queens Spoilers Ahead***
Welcome back, idiot hookers.
Luckily, that meant an hour of wall-to-wall entertainment on Tuesday night when FOX reopened the C.U.R.E Institute — much to the disdain of the Chanels!
While a majority of the episode was dedicated to reintroducing us to Keke Palmer, Jamie Lee Curtis, Emma Roberts, Abigail Breslin, and Billie Lourd‘s already iconic characters in their new, sterile environment… the welcomed additions to the cast certainly made the most of their debut.
But we’re not just talking random up-and-comers — no, American Horror Story: Kids somehow managed to attract Hollywood royalty like John Stamos, Kirstie Alley, Jerry O’Connell, Taylor Lautner, Laura Bell Bundy, and Cecily Strong for the premiere… it’s just too bad not everyone could survive the night!
We guess the Green Meanie is just as bloodthirsty as the Red Devil!!
So, without further ado…
M-m-meet Scream Queens‘ newest residents for Season Two (below)!!!
Dr. Brock Holt
John Stamos made his return to the Murphy-verse as a mysterious doctor who’s surgically reattached hand definitely doesn’t have a mind of its own…
Dr. Cassidy Cascade
Unfortunately, Taylor Lautner’s character work was the weakest link in an otherwise impressive ensemble… but hopefully he’ll be able to turn it around in 13 episodes’ time!
Cecily Strong took Nasim Pedrad‘s place as SQ‘s resident Saturday Night Live alum — she played a patient suffering from Hypertrichosis, which gave her the appearance of a werewolf.
Dr. Mike and Nurse Thomas
Jerry O’Connell and Laura Bell Bundy did a lot with limited screen time setting up the plot for the season way back in 1985… as murderous practitioners disposing of bodies in the hospital’s haunted swamp grounds!
I. M. Hoffell
Kirstie Alley offered some attempted foil to Emma’s Chanel Oberlin as Ingrid Marie Hoffell, a nurse and head administrator for C.U.R.E… but she failed to stand out in her first episode.
But which of these fresh new faces was the first to meet their maker?
Unfortunately, Hairy Mary got her head chopped off less than 24 hours after being cured of her full-body mane… and Chanel No. 5’s fate is actually still up in the air!
We sure will miss ya, Cecily!
Any early theories on who’s the Green Meanie, Perezcious Readers??
[Image via FOX.]