Rachel Lindsay, you are an angel and a saint for dealing with all the fuckery these boys keep bringing you with such grace!
Hint: let’s just say there’s going to be a lot less “whabooming” going on in the mansion. Bless.
Let’s recap, shall we?
Because ABC hates us, the episode started with a rose ceremony (and ended just before one began). WHY??
But before we could even get to the elimination segment, Rachel had to deal with an intruder lingering at the gate — DeMario.
After getting caught in a million lies when his ex, Lexi, showed up last episode, DeMario took some advice from his expert Uber driver to try to win Rachel back. She was NOT having it, and it was amazing.
Basically, Rach said “boy, bye” and decided to focus on the other 20 men vying for her affection in the house. Bravo.
Later in the evening, Rachel FINALLY said goodbye to Lucas (“Whaboom”), Blake (Aspiring Drummer/Penis Guy), and Jamey.
No one really noticed Jamey’s story line, because Lucas and Blake were too busy obsessing over how much they “hate” each other (still). And telling stories about bananas. It was weird.
Honestly, their entire presence on the show was beyond annoying and a disservice to our girl Rachel, so we don’t even want to give them any more attention. Buh-bye forever.
The first group date we’ve already seen before when it aired on Ellen, but just as a reminder… Rachel and some of the guys swung by Ellen DeGeneres‘ talk to show for a sexual dance off and a game of “Never Have I Ever.” It was actually such an amazing date, and we got to know this group of contestants way better than we’re used to!
First of all, we totally appreciate that the comedian gave the Tickle Monster a taste of his own creepy medicine:
But, more importantly, we’re grateful for Alex.
Not only was he brave enough to admit he’s peed in the pool at the mansion, but we also learned about the emotional left eye and that he’s actually pretty adorable.
Oh, and there’s also this:
Yeah, he got the group date rose…
And that brings us to Fred. Poor Fred.
Fred is the guy from Dallas that grew up going to summer camp with Rachel — something she could never really get over.
After realizing that other men in the house had kissed his childhood crush, Fred decided to finally make a move on Rachel during his one-on-one time, which basically ended in disaster. Rachel savagely showed him to the door as she held the group date rose in her hand after saying kissing him was “like kissing a little boy.” Yikes.
For this week’s one-on-one date, Rachel took Anthony for horseback riding on Rodeo Drive (yes, that Rodeo Drive).
Anthony actually seems like a really good guy, but because of the horses pooping in Beverly Hills stores and what not, we weren’t actually able to see a lot of his personality.
We did learn, however, that he comes from a loving family in Chicago and shares a lot of similar qualities as Rachel. Since he got the rose on the date, we’re hoping to get more from him in upcoming episodes.
Meanwhile back at the mansion, Eric was losing his mind.
He was suffering from some serious insecurity, and decided to take it out on some of the other guys — namely Lee (ew anyway), Bryce, and Iggy, who probably should’ve all been minding their own business anyway.
Eric and the rest of the guys were on the last group date of the night — which consisted of a mud wrestling competition organized by some of Nick Viall‘s castaways: Corinne, Raven, Alexis, and Jasmine.
This honestly felt like more of an opportunity for these girls to scope out Bachelor In Paradise prospects, but we digress.
Kenny, the professional wrestler, ended up losing the tournament to Bryce — but the real drama was happening on the bus ride.
Lee and Bryce popped in Raven’s ear to voice their concerns about Eric, which Rachel had no problem bringing up during her one-on-one time with him later that night. Cue Eric’s meltdown calling out the guys for having his name in their mouths. We say get rid of all of these guys — they’re clearly not the right fit.
The real MVP of the date was Kenny — who lost his shot at the group date rose because Rachel gave it to Eric to help him feel validated. Whatever.
Keep being you, Kenny:
We can’t wait to see who is next to exit the mansion — which may or may not happen next week depending on how the NBA finals play out. Stay tuned.
P.S. — Sign our petition for more air time for Diggy in the comments (below)!! LOLz!