Last month, Schumer’s rep confirmed the comedienne and boyfriend Ben Hanisch had split after 18 months of dating.
After weeks of keeping tight-lipped, Schumer finally spoke about the breakup on Thursday night — in the form of a sidesplitting standup set, of course!
Performing at Seth Rogen and Lauren Miller Rogen‘s Hilarity for Charity Variety Show, the Snatched star joked about once again being “single in the city” — or, this time around, more like being “single in Syria.” OK…
Toward the end of their relationship, Schumer explained the two were “kind of trying to rush the intimacy.” She explained:
“So, we were kind of like├óΓé¼ΓÇ¥we were a year and a half, you know. It’s not that bad, but it’s like├óΓé¼┬ªWe went out with a couple who’s been together a long time and we were kind of trying to rush the intimacy. Like, I was trying to impress the girl and I was like, ‘Well he woke me up this morning with a fart.’ And he just slowly turned to me and he goes, ‘Are we doing this?’ And I was like, ‘No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We’re not opening fire. Don’t tell me any of the disgusting shit I’ve done.’ He was just like, ‘I want male confidence.'”
Sounds like an Inside Amy Schumer sketch in the making!
The 36-year-old, who met the furniture designer through the Raya dating app, then joked about the unsubstantiated confidence her ex — and guys in general — tend to get from looking in the mirror, explaining:
“Like, I noticed that in him. He had├óΓé¼ΓÇ¥and I think most men here have it├óΓé¼ΓÇ¥you have mirror face. It’s a face that men only make when they look in the mirror, and they don’t make it in their real life. Maybe you know what yours is. Maybe you’ve seen your man do this, where he’s like a normal guy, kind of nice, and then he looks in the mirror and he becomes like a superhero and James Dean. He’s just kind of like [making a macho face]. Right? You’re like, ‘Dude, you work in software.’ Like, ‘Relax, Clint Eastwood.'”
Schumer then described her own mirror face — which is, by comparison, a lot less Clint Eastwood-y.
“And then it made me look at my mirror face, which I think a lot of girls here can relate to. I’ll just kind of [make a defeated face] and it’s just kind of a sweet little, ‘Oops! Hand I was dealt!'”
As for her current love life, Schumer teased she was rebounding with a particularly virile new guy, adding:
“I’m dating this new dude. He’s awesome. He’s like Stephen Hawking, sexually.”
From the Eastwoods to the Hawkings — Amy can find the funny in any male archetype she’s dating!
[Image via Instagram.]