Just when we thought we couldn’t give anymore fucks about The Bachelor, Becca Kufrin‘s ex walked into our lives and gave the show meaning again.
Okay, Perezcious readers, Monday night’s episode of the ABC dating competition couldn’t have been more savage as Arie Luyendyk Jr. (who we’re convinced is just a slice of Wonder Bread brought to life by a witch) told TWO women he loves them, but one jealous former flame showed up to win back his girl.
SO. MUCH. DRAMZ. Here’s what you missed…
Arie and Becca K.’s love story appeared to be flourishing in Peru as they enjoyed a romantic night in the desert together. Although we would’ve been pissed if our fantasy suite situation was in a sand dune, Becca seemed really into it and told Arie she was in love with him. Luyendyk Jr. said he felt the same way, and even hinted that he could envision himself engaged to the Minnesota native.
*Cue the dramatic music* Just as the twosome arrived back from their adventure in the sand, the brunette publicist’s smokin’ ex, named Ross Jirgl, returned to win back her heart. Before speaking with his ex-girlfriend, Ross did the manly thing and informed Arie that he was there to be Mr. Steal Your Girl.
Of course, the bachelor was FUMING at the “balls” Ross had for wanting to win back Becca K. Here’s where Arie lost us. Yes, Becca and Ross had been over for a year, but they were on/off for around seven. Could it be safe to assume that Ross thought they were on a break??
Also, unlike the bland AF lead, Ross came in with a pretty genuine speech for Becca K. about how they’re soulmates. In eight minutes of screen time, we became more invested in Ross’ happiness than Arie’s — and that’s saying something. Sadly, Becca K. sent Ross on his way and crawled back to Arie to convince him that their five-ish weeks of romance meant more to her. Girl, get your priorities straight! #JusticeForRoss (Slash can Ross be the next Bachelor??)
Another highlight in the episode occurred when Arie got himself into a Ben Higgins situation, meaning, Mr. Luyendyk Jr. told two of his girlfriends, “I love you.” Shame, shame. We know your name!!
Even though Lauren Burnham barely utters a single word on this show, Arie is convinced that he’s in love with her. During their outing, Lauren B. (seriously, are we just watching Ben’s season again?) put her walls back up as she was worried about how Arie felt about the remaining contestants. Despite being on a literal dating competition, the blonde beauty demanded:
“I need to feel like I’m the only girl that you see.”
Arie fell for her trap and expressed his love for her. After their time in the fantasy suite, the twosome talked about how they liked their eggs, which was a conversation so boring it was like watching paint dry. BRING BACK ROSS!
Unfortunately, for contestant number three, Kendall Long, her time in the fantasy suite with Arie didn’t leave an impression as he sent her packing during the rose ceremony. And, honestly, our favorite taxidermy enthusiast dodged a bullet. Despite having crazy hobbies, she seemed well aware that Arie liked her because she was a manic pixie dream girl type.
Let’s get this girl a ticket to Paradise so she can taxidermy some crabs while looking for love.
Now, we know Arie’s season has been pretty boring, but we advise you to catch the finale next week. Why?? Well, because, Chris Harrison teased that there is some pretty intense drama ahead…