Adulting is easy… when you finally find the right person to adult with!
For Gwyneth Paltrow, that means being in a relationship that’s “sometimes uncomfortable” because it demands a level of intimacy her past relationships didn’t — which is why she considers her first “adult relationship” to be with fianc├â┬⌐ Brad Falchuk!
The actress got candid about why her mature relationship with the Glee writer works, noting that in the past, she’s dated men who she knew would have a hard time being intimate so she couldn’t blame herself for the relationship’s collapse.
Speaking to the Sunday Times, she explained:
“In the past, I’ve been in relationships with men who had intimacy issues, so I could be, like, ‘I’m fine, I’m ready to do this,’ and let myself think he’s the one with the problem. In a way, some of the relationships were designed to keep me out of intimacy.”
But her relationship with Falchuk is very different!
The Goop founder insisted that her current coupling works because Falchuk makes Paltrow face her fears in the intimacy department, adding:
“Now, for the first time, I feel I’m in an adult relationship that is sometimes uncomfortable, because he sort of demands a certain level of intimacy and communication that I haven’t been held to before. What came up in the first couple of years of our relationship was how incapable I was in this realm, how I feared intimacy and communication.”
Some of the 45-year-old’s other high-profile romances include a failed engagement to Brad Pitt, a 3-year on-and-off relationship with Ben Affleck, and an over 10-year marriage to Coldplay frontman Chris Martin.
According to Paltrow, all of these relationships perpetuated her “broken” sensibilities about romance and intimacy:
“If you look at life like a pie chart, the romantic slice is where all the shit comes out. I’ve always felt that I’m a good friend, mother, daughter, sister, boss, co-worker — but that I was most broken in that romantic slice. I had two typical types of relationships: one where I was constantly chasing and trying to win someone over, and one where I was put off by the person’s capacity for the relationship — and those relationships were very short-lived.”
As for being in love? Paltrow wasn’t much of an expert on that either:
“In a lot of those relationships, I wasn’t particularly in love with the person. It was more about ‘Why don’t they like me? What’s wrong with me?’ I think my desire to overachieve in part comes from this pattern.”
Not seeing her failed relationships as a failure was especially hard for Paltrow because she’s the only one in her circle of friends to get divorced:
“I’m actually the only one in my life who got divorced. This used to feel like a failure — it took me a while to reframe that divorce isn’t a failure.”
Thankfully, her relationship with Falchuk, whom she began dating in 2014 after meeting on the set of Glee, helped break Paltrow’s pattern of feeling she had to be “extra, extra good at something in order to be worth anything.”
We bet the American Horror Story producer does a great job at reminding Gwynny she’s worth it!
And hopefully her exes aren’t feeling too hurt by all the shade!
[Image via Instagram.]