At this point, we’re not really sure what planet Gwyneth Paltrow is living on, but we’re willing to bet that those who are buying her book are not the kind of people that can afford to use any of the information inside what-so-ever! That’s because the more we hear about it, the $55 cookbook ($32 without an autograph, but who are we bullshizzing here??) has contents that sound so extravagant and expensive that we’re pretty sure the only person who could ever cook from it is Gwyneth Paltrow herself!
It doesn’t lie to you, though. It never claims the recipes and tips inside are affordable, and it’s true that the recipes are healthy and high quality! You’ll just need a second mortgage to afford them! LOLz!
Plus, it bans you from eating all things good: No coffee, dairy, alcohol, sugar, shellfish, potatoes, tomatoes, bell pepper, eggplant, corn, wheat, meat, soy or anything processed. We say that’s too constrictive, and only a hyper-focused rich person could ever pull that off! We wonder if she ever has any cheat days…
The New York Post calls it:
“the manifesto to some sort of creepy healthy-girl sorority with members who use beet juice rather than permanent marker to circle the ‘problem areas’ on each other’s bodies.”
The Atlantic Wire says it’s:
“the bible of laughable Hollywood Neuroticism.”
And Eater.com, goes for the throat by saying it’s:
“drenched in a chatty faux-populism that could only come from a rich person fearlessly boasting about her life of privilege.… Paltrow casually writes that she overnights homemade vegan cookies to her manager and often has a surfeit of apples from the trees on her $5.4M five-bedroom Hamptons summer home.”
Look. We’re not saying things in the book aren’t delicious, and we’re not saying it doesn’t work for Gwyneth! We ARE saying, however, that the prices of everything are absurd and that it’s not for the average person!
Her egg-white omelet recipe, for example would cost you about $30, thanks to her suggestion that you use duck eggs├óΓé¼ΓÇ¥which can be hard to find. The gluten-free flour she suggests you buy, Cup4Cup, is a blend made by celebrity chef Thomas Keller and sold at Williams-Sonoma, which costs $20 for a 3-pound bag. There’s also a $120 salad that has canned tuna packed in olive oil, roasted piquillo peppers and topped with dressing that uses Manuka honey, which is basically $25 a jar!
If you follow the meal plan, it comes out to around $300-a-day! Check it out:
For Breakfast:
An Actually Good Egg-White Omelet, Spinach & Mushroom Version
Duck eggs $10/dozen
Garlic $ .80
Crimini mushrooms $3
Onion $ .50
Baby spinach $3.99
Coarse sea salt $3.69
Olive oil cooking spray $6.29
Total: $28.27
Sweet Potato & Five-Spice Muffins
Sweet potato $1
Almond milk $3
Xylitol (a sweetener) $10
Gluten-free flour $20
Five-spice powder $4
Baking powder $3
Baking soda $3
Total: $44
For Lunch:
Spanish Chopped Salad with Tuna and Piquillos With Spanish Salad Dressing
Chickpeas $3
Olive oil $15
Sweet pimenton $10
Coarse sea salt $10
Butter lettuce $4
Scallions $1.49
Roasted piquillo peppers $13.50
8 oz oil-packed tuna $18.40
Italian parsley $2
Dressing:
Manuka honey $25
Sherry vinegar $8
Oil from anchovies $8.99
Total: $119.38
Raw coconut water (a suggested pantry staple) $5
For dinner:
Best Gluten-Free Fish fingers, Mustard + Old Bay Style
Vegenaise $5
Coarse seeded mustard $5
Dijon mustard $3.50
Gluten-free breadcrumbs $6
Old Bay $3
Fine sea salt $4
4 sole fillets $45
Total: $71.50
For Dessert:
Flourless Anything Crumble
Apples (use any fruit) $5
Maple syrup $14
Sage leaves $2.50
Quinoa flakes $6
Cinnamon $5
Total: $32.50
GRAND TOTAL: $300.65
Time to call your home lender! Ha!
Seriously though, who is this cookbook for??
[Image via WENN.]