Hillary Clinton & Donald Trump Respond To Reopened Email Investigation - And It's All Because Of Anthony Weiner's D*ck!

Keep it in your pants, Weiner!
As you’ve probably heard by now, the FBI decided to reopen Hillary Clinton‘s email investigation on Friday due to new developments in the case.
But in a twist we were certainly NOT expecting, it’s Anthony Weiner‘s d*ck that seems to have screwed over a Democratic woman once again!
Related: Trump’s Hollywood Walk Of Fame Vandal Has Been Arrested!
Apparently Weiner, the husband of Hill’s top aide Huma Abedin, has found himself in yet another political scandal after new Clinton emails were discovered — when the Bureau was looking into his cell phone in the completely unrelated case of his alleged sexting with a 15-year-old.
Unfortunately for Hillary, while FBI Director James Comey admitted the new emails could potentially be nothing… even saying the word “email” is enough to rile up Donald Trump supporters.
Especially with just 11 days to go before the election!
With that said, HRC isn’t about to lose to just any ol’ orange anus… so her team issued an official statement Friday afternoon, saying:

“Upon completing this investigation more than three months ago, FBI Director Comey declared no reasonable prosecutor would move forward with a case like this and added that it was not even a close call. In the months since, Donald Trump and his Republican allies have been baselessly second-guessing the FBI and, in both public and private, browbeating the career officials there to revisit their conclusion in a desperate attempt to harm Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign.
FBI Director Comey should immediately provide the American public more information than is contained in the letter he sent to eight Republican committee chairmen. Already, we have seen characterizations that the FBI is ‘reopening’ an investigation but Comey’s words do not match that characterization. Director Comey’s letter refers to emails that have come to light in an unrelated case, but we have no idea what those emails are and the Director himself notes they may not even be significant.
It is extraordinary that we would see something like this just 11 days out from a presidential election.
The Director owes it to the American people to immediately provide the full details of what he is now examining. We are confident this will not produce any conclusions different from the one the FBI reached in July.”

If you say so!
The timing does seem odd, to say the least…
Related: Trump Thinks Female Teacher/Male Student Affairs Aren’t Bad
Still, in the spirit of playing fair — the racist Republican also responded to the email update during a campaign stop in Manchester, New Hampshire, saying:

“I need to open with a very critical breaking news announcement: The FBI has just sent a letter to Congress informing them that they have discovered new emails pertaining the former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s investigation, and they are reopening the case into her criminal and illegal conduct that threatens the security of the United States of America. Perhaps, finally, justice will be done.”

Surprisingly, not the most obtuse thing he’s ever said.
The crowd’s response, on the other hand??