HEAR YE! HEAR YE!
IT’S THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH, FOLKS!
For our first act, we have the death-defying 20 Million Dollar Fight!! Starring time-travelers Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick, a tale of triumph and sorrow is told through the pages of inTouch!
Constantly going back and forth between parallel universes — one where they parade love-pics on Instagram and the other where stories like this are true — Kourt and Scott battle intergalactic clowns with the help of Mason and Penelope!
ACT TWO…
Meet the Bouncing Babies of Babylon! Honored with gold and fame even before they left their celebrity mothers’ wombs, these young stallions will knight the world with perfection and peace!
HAIL TO THE BABEHS!! HAIL, WE SAY!!!
ACT THREE…
Okay, folks. It’s time to put on those 3D glasses! Because the ‘Sick & Twisted Tales’ of Kirstie Alley‘s affairs have taken form in the body of a dragon!
While princess Kirstie is trapped in a dungeon, the evil dragon pillages the villages of gossip with the nastiest of tales! Will Kirstie ever be rescued by Prince John Travolta?? We may never know…
ACT FOUR…
Glory be to the gods! A child from the sun has been promised to the sibling delight of dear Suri Cruise! The savior of the Universe needs some company after all! While her mother is riding the subway, she’s busy training to defeat the evil ones.
ACT FIVE…
In a land known for its jewels and sexy accents, the Queen has given the ultimate request to the people’s princess. If Kate Middleton can birth a child, she will finally grant William the throne!!
Oh wait… that’s real-life. Ha! Or so the rumors say…
ENCORE PERFORMANCE…
Channing Tatum is Prince Charming and People recognized him for it. …and his beauty. As the Sexiest Man Alive, he can pretty much do anything he wants now. What a jolly ole’ chap!
COME BACK NEXT WEEK!! MONSTERS LURK AND PRINCES SMIRK!
[Image courtesy of inTouch.]
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