To this day, Lady GaGa is still dealing with the effects of the rape she suffered when she was 19 years old.
The singer and actress got candid about facing the “big, ugly monster” in sharing her truth publically after years of trying to forget the incident had ever happened.
Related: GaGa Can Feel ‘Ugly’ & ‘Insecure’ Sometimes!
In an interview for Vogue’s October issue, on which she graces the cover, the A Star Is Born star explained:
“No one else knew. It was almost like I tried to erase it from my brain. And when it finally came out, it was like a big, ugly monster. And you have to face the monster to heal.”
GaGa first discussed her rape in an interview with Howard Stern in 2014. Two years later, in an interview with TODAY, the Born This Way singer revealed she still suffers from the trauma.
Looking back on it, the 32-year-old says she made her story public to ease the pain she was suffering privately. She continued:
“For me, with my mental-health issues, half of the battle in the beginning was, I felt like I was lying to the world because I was feeling so much pain but nobody knew. So that’s why I came out and said that I have PTSD, because I don’t want to hide—any more than I already have to.”
She may not be hiding anymore, but GaGa is still grappling with symptoms of PTSD:
“I feel stunned. Or stunted. You know that feeling when you’re on a roller coaster and you’re just about to go down the really steep slope? That fear and the drop in your stomach? My diaphragm seizes up. Then I have a hard time breathing, and my whole body goes into a spasm. And I begin to cry. That’s what it feels like for trauma victims every day, and it’s…miserable. I always say that trauma has a brain. And it works its way into everything that you do.”
Aside from its psychological effects, GaGa’s PTSD has manifested into fibromyalgia and unbearable nerve pain, which she spoke on in her Netflix documentary Gaga: Five Foot Two.
While some have accused her of fabricating these illnesses, GaGa says the pain is very real, adding:
“I get so irritated with people who don’t believe fibromyalgia is real. For me, and I think for many others, it’s really a cyclone of anxiety, depression, PTSD, trauma, and panic disorder, all of which sends the nervous system into overdrive, and then you have nerve pain as a result… People need to be more compassionate. Chronic pain is no joke. And it’s every day waking up not knowing how you’re going to feel.”
A star is going through a lot.
But at least you see her strength in these stunning Vogue photos. Ch-ch-check out some pics from her spread (below)!
[Image via Regina Wagner/Future Image/WENN]