Dave Chappelle has a LOT to say.
Saturday Night Live is officially back after several weeks off during the holiday season, and who’s more attention-grabbing to host than the controversial comedian? Except he says he’s “tired of being controversial”! But does his performance reflect that? During his opening monologue — which clocks in at 17:01 and is reportedly the longest in SNL history — the 51-year-old talks about how he finally agreed to host the sketch comedy show after months of being asked — and how “the moment [he] said yes, LA burst into flames.” He explains:
“It’s a tough one because I’m tired of being controversial. I’m trying to turn over a new leaf and it is way too soon to do jokes about a catastrophe like that.”
After winking at the audience, Dave goes on to explain how he doesn’t live in LA, but is still connected to it in many ways and has several friends whose homes burned down. He reflects:
“It broke my heart. And then I go on the internet and I watch these fire videos and I read the comments sections and they were like, ‘Yeah, it serves these celebrities right. I hope their houses burned down.’ You see that? That right there, that’s why I hate poor people. Because they can’t see past their own pain.”
So much for trying to not be controversial! He went on:
“The other day on the news, they said these fires were the most expensive tragedy that ever happened in the United States’ history. I think that’s because people in LA have nice stuff. I could burn 40,000 acres in Mississippi for like six or seven dollars.”
And speaking of all the conspiracy theories surrounding the devastating fires, he adds:
“If you were a rational, thinking person, you’d have to at least consider the possibility that God hates these people … A lot of poor people were affected, too. A lot of these people found out the week of the fires that they lost their fire insurance. Luigi [Mangione] is like, ‘You’re welcome.’ That kid did almost plan the perfect crime. Only thing he forgot was to shave his eyebrows.”
Oh, Dave.
The A Star is Born alum then turned his attention to Diddy later in his monologue, walking the tricky tightrope of the ongoing legal situation:
“I’ve been in a lot of trouble in my day, but let me tell you something: this guy Puffy, this guy is in an enormous amount of trouble. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like this. They got this guy in a RICO case all by himself. A lot of my friends ask me, thy say, ‘Dave, did you know anything about those freak off parties?’ And I’d be like, ‘Nah, man. I didn’t know anything about the freak offs … And they’d be like, ‘Well how are these people you know at the freak offs, but you were the only one that wasn’t at the freak offs?’ And I though about it for a minute and I said, ‘Oh my God, I’m ugly. Boy, that is a tough way to find that out. Can you imagine me reading a newspaper and finding out everyone in Hollywood had an orgy behind your back? Like, none of y’all called me? Well, that really hurts.”
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He speculates that one reason he may have been left out is because he has “snitch energy”:
“Look at my face. This is not necessarily a handsome face, but it’s not an ugly face. But if you really study my face, clearly I have snitch energy.”
LOLz!
Finally, the stand-up comedian leaves off with thoughts on Donald Trump being re-elected:
“Here’s the thing: On Monday, Donald Trump is coming back. It’s going to be the 47th president. All the flags at half-mast because Jimmy Carter died.”
Dave reflects on a time he saw a photo of the late president standing with the people of Palestine which “brought tears to [his] eyes.” He says:
“He was a good man. It made me feel proud to see that.”
With that in mind, he continues:
“The presidency is no place for petty people. Donald Trump, I know you watch the show, man; remember whether people voted for you or not, they’re all counting on you. The whole world is counting on you. Please do better next time. Do not forget your humanity for displaced people whether they’re in the Palisades or Palestine.”
You can check out his entire monologue (below):
Elsewhere in the episode, GloRilla took the stage to perform Yeah Glo! and WHATCHU KNO ABOUT ME/LET HER COOK. Watch (below):
See the rest of the episode highlights (below):
What did YOU think of this week’s show? How was Dave’s opening monologue? Let us know in the comments down below!