Divorce is never easy on anyone – particularly on the children.
That’s why Perezitos.com‘s new contributors, Allison Pescosolido, M.A. and Andra Brosh, Ph.D., co-founders of Divorce Detox├óΓÇ₧┬ó, have some wonderful tips and useful guidelines that will help you and your kids cope through divorce, particularly when figuring out how to on a happy face for them.
Allison and Andra say:
As co-parenting becomes the norm for divorced couples, establishing a civil relationship with the ex-spouse becomes more and more important. It can be difficult, especially at first, to be civil to your ex in regular interactions like picking up and dropping off children, but it is even more difficult when you are forced to spend extended amounts of time in each other’s company. At joint celebrations like birthdays, t-ball games, and weddings, the time spent in each other’s company, or even just in each other’s vicinity, can be excruciating.
Lay the Ground Rules
Speaking in advance with your Ex about how you intend to interact at the event can be helpful in reducing anxiety and help things go more smoothly. Being upfront, non-emotional, and respectful to your Ex will put him or her at ease, and everyone will be better off for it.
Bring a Buddy
A great way to feel more in control is to bring someone who can help you emotionally separate your feelings from your child’s day. A sibling, a parent, or a friend can help you re-focus on the child rather than on your Ex, and your buddy can steer you away from your Ex if you need space.
Do Not Bring a Date
With the buddy system being established, if you happen to be dating your buddy, do not bring him/her. Unless you have been separated for years, do not bring a date to your joint celebrations. It is important to think of your children’s well-being when thinking about bringing a date. A date’s presence may upset your Ex, which in turn may upset your children.
Be Patient and Understanding of Your Ex
Remember, as you both interact at your first few joint celebrations, you both will be emotionally charged. There may be feelings of hurt, anger, sadness and betrayal on both sides. You no longer have emotional access to your Ex, so you do not know what they are feeling. As you interact with each other, intend to maintain a level of patience, and to understand that no matter whose “fault” the divorce was or how hairy the divorce proceedings, you are both experiencing emotional upheaval.
Although a joint celebration can be daunting, if you remain civil, think about the children, and practice patience and understanding, you can help your child celebrate the day and maybe enjoy yourself as well. Be sure to remember the day is for your child, and you and your ex-spouse should celebrate it as such, putting all other emotions aside. This might be difficult, but it is possible.
And for some more helpful tips for children and dealing with divorce, visit DivorceDetox.com.
[Image via Laura Grier.]
-
Categories
