[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]
Hayden Panettiere is opening up about a difficult chapter in her past.
In a cover story for Us Weekly ahead of her upcoming memoir, This Is Me: A Reckoning, the actress looked back on her alleged abusive relationship with Brian Hickerson. You may recall that they began dating in 2018. But the following year, he was arrested after an alleged domestic violence incident with Hayden at their home. He was charged with felony domestic violence and ordered to stay away from the Ice Princess star. However, the charges were dropped, and the two continued to date afterward.
Related: Hayden Panettiere Comes Out As Bisexual!
In 2020, Brian was arrested again. And yes, for another domestic violence altercation involving Hayden. He ended up serving 33 days in prison, receiving four years probation, and paying a $500 fine. They broke up following the second arrest. Now, years later, when Hayden thinks about their relationship, she can’t help but find the whole thing “very embarrassing.” She explained to Us this week:
“It’s a very embarrassing subject. I’ve always seen myself as such a resilient and strong woman, that the idea that I could allow something like this to happen to me, it blew my mind. It blew the minds of the people that knew me best. They, still to this day, can’t believe that I would ever allow that to happen to me.”
Oof. According to Hayden, she kept her parents and late brother Jansen in the dark about what was happening:
“That whole experience, I kept as much of it to myself as possible because I didn’t want to drag anybody that I loved emotionally into such an upsetting situation. I knew that they would want to protect me and would do anything to make sure that I was safe, and I wanted to keep them safe, and … emotionally safe.”
But more than that, the Nashville alum felt humiliated and embarrassed by the whole thing:
“It was humiliating. It was embarrassing, so I didn’t want anyone to know. I wanted people to know as little as possible.”
This breaks our hearts! The only person who should be humiliated and embarrassed is Brian after how he allegedly treated Hayden! The Scream 4 star still thought sharing what happened was worse than being alone, though:
“I’m a pack animal. I need to be surrounded by people. If I don’t have a good community around me, if I don’t have good people around me and good supportive friends, I feel lost. I don’t feel like I can be myself. I don’t feel like I can function properly [and] the depression gets the best of me.”
Thankfully, Hayden eventually realized she needed Brian out of her life for good. They broke up after his second arrest. She continued:
“Getting an abusive person out of your life is like trying to rip a weed out that is so entangled into your life. Every time you pull it out, another weed pops back up and you’re like, ‘I thought I killed this.’ They always manage to find a way to slither back into your life, even if you’re an incredibly strong-willed person.”
Hayden shared that she “struggled to fully put a kibosh” on their relationship “for a long time.” But she did it. We’re glad Hayden’s no longer with him. She deserves someone who will treat her right.
Reactions, Perezcious readers? Let us know in the comments (below).
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, help is available. Consider calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233, or text START to 88788, or go to https://www.thehotline.org/.
