Happy Hump Day, indeed!
John Mayer shows off his inked body in the February issue of Rolling Stone magazine.
On top of looking hawt for the cameras in his empty love den, the singer dishes goes into detail about about his solo sex life as well as his past and future relationships.
Here are some HIGHlights from the interview:
On his split with ex-girlfriend Jennifer Aniston:
“I├óΓé¼Γäóve never really gotten over it. It was one of the worst times of my life├óΓé¼┬ª I have this weird feeling, a pride thing, for the people I├óΓé¼Γäóve had relationships with. What would I be saying to Jen, who I think is fucking fantastic, if I said to her, I don├óΓé¼Γäót dislike you. In fact, I like you extremely well. But I have to back out of this because it doesn├óΓé¼Γäót arc over the horizon. This is not where I see myself for the rest of my life, this is not my ideal destiny.”
On his sex life becoming an endless loop of new girls rejecting him in clubs:
“Blowing me off is the new sucking me off!”
On finding a girlfriend:
“Do you think it├óΓé¼Γäós going to take meeting someone who I admire more than I admire myself? But isn├óΓé¼Γäót it also about a beautiful vagina? Aren├óΓé¼Γäót we talking about a matrix of a couple of different things here? Like, you need to have them be able to go toe-to-toe with you intellectually. But don├óΓé¼Γäót they also have to have a vagina you could pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend? Doesn├óΓé¼Γäót that have to be there, too? The Joshua Tree of vaginas? ├óΓé¼┬ªI├óΓé¼Γäóll be happy when I close out this life-partner thing. Think of how much mental capacity I├óΓé¼Γäóm using to meet the right person so I can stop giving a fuck about it.”
On his relationships:
“All I want to do now is fuck the girls I’ve already fucked, because I can’t fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I’d be interested in them, and they’re going, But you’re John Mayer! So I’m going backwards to move forward. I’m too freaked out to
meet anybody else.”On masturbation:
“I am the new generation of masturbator. I’ve seen it all. Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week.”
On if he pleasures himself daily:
├óΓé¼┼ôI don├óΓé¼Γäót like that question, because it seeks to make me sound strange if I say ├óΓé¼╦£Yes, but of course I do.├óΓé¼Γäó I mean, I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn├óΓé¼Γäót pick up because I├óΓé¼Γäóm masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. First of all, I don├óΓé¼Γäót jerk off because I├óΓé¼Γäóm horny. I├óΓé¼Γäóm sort of half-chick. It├óΓé¼Γäós like District 9. I can fire alien weapons. I can insert a tampon. No, I do it because I want to take a brain bath. It├óΓé¼Γäós like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself.”
On the paparazzi:
“I├óΓé¼Γäóll be honest with you. All this weird shit about me? All this strangeness? I wouldn├óΓé¼Γäót have a music career without it. But I am at odds with myself. I have some presence of psychological damage from the past 36 months. I have not had a woman appear in my dreams sexually without a paparazzi in the dream too. I can├óΓé¼Γäót even have a wet dream without having to explain to someone who├óΓé¼Γäós grinding on me, We can├óΓé¼Γäót do this right now, because there├óΓé¼Γäós a guy over there taking pictures.”
Wow.
If that comment doesn’t send Jennifer Aniston crawling back to John, we don’t know what will.
But, thanks for sharing the deets on your naughty time John.
We think.