Lena Dunham isn’t holding back about the tough times she’s had in the recent past.
The Girls mastermind and actress is opening up about addiction, love, sex, and mental health all in the forthcoming March issue of Cosmopolitan, which hits newsstands on Thursday. And in her frank, open discussion about recent struggles and ongoing challenges, the 33-year-old sounds as real and authentic as she’s ever been.
Related: Lena Goes Nude On IG… For Charity!
It all started when at one point, the actress admitted how she “didn’t want to live” anymore after taking prescription medication that was “messing with” her brain chemistry. Dunham explained more about that feeling — not specifically suicidal, so much, but an intense and unending emptiness that consumed her for far too long (below):
“It got really complicated. I realized I wasn’t just taking medication for physical pain, I was taking medication for the emotional pain too. And then suddenly, especially this stuff, the benzos [benzodiazepines, an anxiety medication], it changes your brain chemistry and suddenly you’re not yourself. You’re not present. You’re not functional. One day, I looked around and I was lying in a bed in my parents’ apartment under two blankets, in the same pajamas I’d been in for three days, and I was like, ‘This isn’t me.’ It wasn’t that I was suicidal. I felt nothing. I didn’t want to live.”
Wow.
The talented actress and show creator continued on, too, revealing more about how she used to openly jeopardize her health and well-being with bad decisions in her early 20s:
“My entire twenties was me jeopardizing my health. I remember [during] the first season of Girls I would go out with guys and stay out until four in the morning, and then show up at work at 9am and slay it, but it was like, ‘What if I had a full night’s sleep and I didn’t feel the need to go out to the bar with every Tom, Dick and Harry who asked me because I was afraid I was unlovable?’ That’s one of the reasons medication was so easy and breezy for me, because I thought, ‘Oh, there’s a pill I can take?’”
Of course, with time and age often comes wisdom, and it seems like Dunham has found some of that to be true, at least.
Part of that wisdom is being able to look back at her long-term relationship with former flame Jack Antonoff, now 35, and reflect on the positives while no longer being dragged down by the breakup itself:
“We fell in love when I was really young. I was 25. I look back and we had a great ride, we cared for each other, but you know what? We were both starting our careers and that was our true passion. The love you have for someone doesn’t disappear because you don’t have them; it’s just logistically it doesn’t work any more. I love him so much. He is a dear, dear friend of mine. Has it been easy every second? No, it’s not easy to divide life with someone. There are definitely moments where I was catty, rude or sassy, but he has been beautifully accepting of those and I’ve been able to be accepting of his anger too. What’s really nice is we don’t try to pretend that we don’t have this history together, but we’re also willing to move forward.”
Good for her! Sounds like things are turning a corner in multiple areas of her life…
Related: Lena Reflects More On Health And Sobriety With Inspiring Message
And along with sobriety from pills, Dunham has also taken her sobriety from men — and more specifically, from dating! She explains her new no-sex life more in-depth to the mag, opening up with this:
“I’d just had a hysterectomy, I’d broken up with my boyfriend, I was in the process of breaking up with my business partner – I had no business buying a pair of shoes, [let alone] getting engaged. Then I just went, ‘You know what? I’ve been dating since I was 15 years old. I’m allowed to take a break. Sobriety for me means so much more than just not doing drugs, it also means that I abstain from negative relationships. It means I’ve taken a hiatus from dating, which has been amazing for me. I think it’s been 14 months now that I’ve just been totally single. I may have smooched a guy at a party once, but that’s not illegal.”
Amen!
And adding more, too:
“I hang out with my dogs, my cats. It’s created a lot of clarity because I think [for] so many of us, even though the world has become much more sex-positive, as young, ambitious, independent women our relationship to sex is fraught and complicated. On the one hand, we’re taught to demand what we want; on the other hand we’re scared we’ll never find anyone and have to settle. We’re contending with the prevalence of porn and having to be performative during sex, and once my body started to break down I just didn’t have that option any more and I started to feel really vulnerable. I realized that until I was in a dynamic with someone who made me feel super-safe, I didn’t want to do it. People right now will go, ‘Oh my god, you haven’t had sex in over a year,’ and I’m like, ‘No, actually it’s been the most healing thing.'”
Good for her!!!
Being in the spotlight in the way she was when Girls was at the peak of its run was completely unsustainable, obviously. It’s wonderful to see Lena has found far more balance and a better sense of self-care to counteract the downsides of fame, now. We’re loving it!!
What do U think, Perezcious readers?! Sound OFF with your take in the comments (below)…
[Image via Adriana M. Barraza/WENN]
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