It’s that time of year again!
Your job is to create the greatest United States of America possible during the ever important draft — and you want the best of the best for your life and livelihood team, right?!
We so brilliantly decided to create a cheat sheet since the team you chose in November 2016 SUCKS HARD! Seriously, most of y’all royally fucked up. Looking at you, “electoral college”!
Ch-ch-check out our picks for Team White House (below)!
President: Barack Obama
Vice President: Joe Biden
Department of State: Secretary John Kerry
Department of the Treasury: Secretary Jack Lew
Department of Defense: Secretary Ashton Carter
Department of Justice: Attorney General Loretta E. Lynch
Department of the Interior: Secretary Sally Jewell
Department of Agriculture: Secretary Thomas J. Vilsack
Department of Commerce: Secretary Penny Pritzker
Department of Labor: Secretary Thomas E. Perez
Department of Health and Human Services: Secretary Sylvia Mathews Burwell
Department of Housing and Urban Development: Secretary Julián Castro
Department of Transportation: Secretary Anthony Foxx
Department of Energy: Secretary Ernest Moniz
Department of Education: Secretary John King
Department of Veterans Affairs: Secretary Robert McDonald
Department of Homeland Security: Secretary Jeh Johnson
Chief of Staff: Denis McDonough
Environmental Protection Agency: Administrator Gina McCarthy
Office of Management & Budget: Director Shaun L.S. Donovan
United States Trade Representative: Ambassador Michael Froman
United States Mission to the United Nations: Ambassador Samantha Power
Council of Economic Advisers: Chairman Jason Furman
Small Business Administration: Administrator Maria Contreras-Sweet
Impeach/Bench Forever: Donald Trump
P.S. That was Obama’s entire administration from his last years in office. Sad, but you probably didn’t know most of their names because his staffers were a well oiled MACHINE!
Happy drafting — and really truly don’t fuck up 2020, America!
[Image via Wiki Commons.]
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