There have been a lot of reactions to Anthony Bourdain‘s sudden passing.
None, however, have been as angry — or attracted as much controversy — as that of Val Kilmer.
The Top Gun star wrote an open letter about how suicide was “selfish” — and that he and others who knew him were “selfishly angry” at the late chef for leaving them.
Related: Bourdain’s Best Friend Who Found Him Dead Speaks Out
He ponders many things aloud in the lengthy post, including whether Anthony “cheated on his girl” or whether he would have chosen suicide if he’d faced the hardship of throat cancer as Kilmer had.
You can read the entire thing and a few offended responses (below):
“Oh the darkness.
Oh the dark thick pain of loss. The selfishness.
How many moments away were you from feeling the love that was universal. From every corner of the world you were loved. So selfish. You’ve given us cause to be so angry. A spiritual guide once told me suicide is the most selfish act a human can execute and I was confused but she explained there’s just no mental place further away from humanity and purpose than the hypnotized numbness that creates the false picture of despair, that forces the victim, unaware, to believe, life’s legacy is over. That there is no more service. No more task. No more love left to give to another to to be given. Nothing to heal.
On a cloudy day that is so cloudy it’s one large mask of grey, does it mean there are no more clouds or parting of clouds, ever? Or that the burning life giving sun is not on its way or that it is already there is ones powers of imagination and perception will only open like with the ease of a child’s mind, open to see and feel the peace and reassurance if the heat and light that buried and the light that annihilates the shadows that frighten, that may have even been until moments ago absolute proof that there were no there are no monsters in the room.
So what? I hear you took your life in paris. What hotel? Did you relapse? Did you just get home from the best meal of your life? Did you cheat on your girl. Those of us that knew you are shocked and angry and angry and angry selfishly angry, for what you just did to us. Millions I should think. At least a million people like me who imagine they know you. Some imagine they know you even well. But you heard that phone ringing, you felt it buzzing in your coat or pants pocket, vibrating a million times, but you didn’t answer it. You let it ring out. Did you bleed out? Did you suffocate? Did you jump. No you didn’t jump. Is it important we know how you did it? No. But that you did it. One of the tentative titles of my new studio is Bourdains. Because you’ve come to realize and exemplify a steady however dim hope, that history is bending towards justice. Would you have taken your life two years ago when like me you were unable to take in food and move it with your tongue over your taste buds because your tongue was too swollen? Is too swollen. I think and dream and plan on eating and tasting and enjoying every meal I’ve ever enjoyed and every meal I’ve learned to enjoy in my imagination, Altho I’ve never met a meal I didn’t like in the last 40 years except anything with too much cilantro. Was that it? You woke up and realized you were no longer hungry. And that even with a young daughter at home you would never be hungry enough again to want to take in breath.
Was your father’s hate so still so present as to cloud over every last sunny moment of every single damn day Anthony. Oh darkness. My prayer before the light breaks this morning of June 8th, is that it doesn’t ever again fool another warrior like you, who chased the hot slice of momentary satisfaction around the world 15 times, but found no reason for 16. Anthony Bourdain killed himself. At least you had that beer with Obama on a busy street in Vietnam, in a plastic seat, with your favorite type of meal, spicy noodles and goop, and he gave you hope, I saw it in your eyes when you asked him, as if you were 12, to your father, “Are we going to be all right?” And Obama reminded you and us all that history is not written in a straight line. But yet it is written. And it bends towards justice. You found and showed us pockets of freedom from individuals around the world, from your pirate ship of tv and with a crew of brilliant writers producers camera and sound people, assistants, executives and lawyers who saw you clearly and loved you dearly, and went the extra mile on paper, to enable you to walk there, in the rain, before daylight, and waiting for the sun, reflect quietly on the pageantry, about to unfold. You could have and should have given it one more shot. Sometimes we must live in service to another’s life and live with no hope of equality. Life isn’t fair that way. Who says you had a right to take away all this love from us so soon? Oh the darkness. The darkness on the edge of town. “There’s a darkness in the edge of town…”
You left too soon my friend. I fell asleep to watching you enjoy Uruguay last night. It was a rerun but I always find something I didn’t see before… you left too soon. And I’m going to prove it…”
While some commenters told Kilmer they felt the same way, others were appalled at what they saw as badmouthing the deceased and misunderstanding mental illness.
They wrote:
– “Done with following you. This is very disappointing to see such hateful words. Mental ILLNESS is just that…an illness. These types of opinions and words would never be spoken when you had cancer.
– “Wow just wow it’s attitudes like this that make having this invisible illness deadly!
Selfish you have no clue what it’s like then to have this illness and be in a place so dark and desperate that you feel the world would be better off without you in it!
I regret going to your art show and wish you could refund my purchase as im disgusted by every word here!”
– “Suicide has nothing to do with selfishness. Your “spiritual guide” was wrong and didn’t know what she was talking about. Take it from someone who knows; people who are in that dark place more often than not believe they’re doing the world a favor by removing themselves from it. Nothing else makes sense but to end life. Stop adding to the stigma, please. You never know what is happening in someone else’s mind.”
Kilmer has responded to a few comments, defending his statement:
“I’m angry because I love him and what he stood for.”
See the ongoing conversation:
We want to hear from you, Perezcious readers — tell us what you think about Kilmer’s letter in the comments (below)!
[Image via Facebook.]
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