Poor, delusional, cracked out Lindsanity LOLhan.
May we remind you of the story of poor Elizabeth Berkley Jessie Spano and Showgirls: just because something sounds really edgy and sexually explicit on page, does not mean it’s going to win you an Oscar!
Some little sneak leaked the screenplay to the hard-pAArtying wacktress’ latest film, Inferno, and although we already knew it was going to be pretty heinous shiz – it is of course, about the star of Deep Throat Linda Lovelace – the text goes above and BEYOND what we could ever have imagined!
In fact, we may be treading into Showgirls caliber crazy, folks!
The story chronicles the violent abuse Linda suffered as a child at the hands of her mother, who burns her with a cigarette lighter and beats the hell out of her. When she marries her husband/manager Chuck, it only worsens – to the point where he’s FINGERING her while forcing her to insult herself. She orgasms while calling herself a piece of dog shit.
BLECK.
Of course, it only continues to worsen – there’s numerous scenes involving Linda getting gangbanged (one even includes Sammy Davis Jr.), her sobbing while filming the infamous scene in Deep Throat, and even a scene where a group tries to force her to have sex with a dog!
HOLY SHIZ! WTF is this garbage?!
And if you’re interested in some of the truly inspired dialogue La Loca will have to recite, here are some gems:
LINDA
To me, there is nothing more delicious than gism. I love it! I like to smear it all over my face like Ponds Cold Cream!
LINDA
I once took on a pro football team — and I don’t just mean two at a time! I mean more!
LINDA
Is there anything in this life I like more than cocksucking? Okay. Well, one thing. On OCCASION.
PUSH IN for a the two beats of big build-up.
LINDA
I love it when my man Chuck socks it to me in the ass.
Yeah, absolutely nasty.
We suppose she thinks this will make people think of her as a serious young actress willing to go there for a role?
Poor thing! This movie is going to be such a trainwreck!
But let’s be real – the only real way they can top Showgirls is if they give LiLo the same nipple make-up as Jessie Spano!
LOLz! Who wants to take bets that they do??!
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