We don't know how he managed!

Ryan Cabrera celebrated his 27th birthday in Vegas last week, but the real pAArty happened the night before at his El Lay home.

The one he's being forced going to sell?!

Asslee's ex visited each of his neighbor's homes telling them about the upcoming party and offered to put them up in a hotel for the night so the cops wouldn't come!

How can he afford that?

Maybe he's selling out at Sam's Club!

[Image via WENN.]

Permalink / 39 comments (RSS)  / Forward this post »

There's no remorse to be seen on Tony Romo''s face as Life & Style caught him pAArtying it up only a few days after dumping Jessica Simpson.

And who did he choose to party with? Why, another Ghost of the Simpson Bitch's Past, Ashlee Simpson's ex, Z-list musician Ryan Cabrera.

Call up John Mayer and you guys can start a "He-Man Simpson Haters Club."

Tony seemed to be enjoying his single status as he hung out with his boys at LA’s Key Club on Monday night. Witnesses commented that he looked "like he hadn't a care in the world", while he and his new buddy Ryan "checked out all the hot chicks dancing onstage.”

He even shared a little diddy with the crowd when he was dragged on stage by the band and Ryan. A source adds, "As soon as Tony stood up and showed his face they tossed him the mic. He got into it and sang a few bars of a Guns 'N Roses song. It was awesome!"

We bet! Guess the place holds no sentiment to him. In the olden days, the paps could usually find Tony and Jessica at the bar as they were regular Monday-night patrons.

And while Tony was getting drunk off life, Jessica was home, eating a case of Chicken of the Sea, left-over from her endorsement days.

We kid, we kid.

She ate all that a long time ago!

Permalink / 43 comments (RSS)  / Forward this post »

Z-list singer Ryan Cabrera is being sued by two women, claiming that his driveway seriously injured and almost killed them!

According to the suit, Claudia Abraham and Mary DiPersio decided to give Cabrera a ride home from a bar. After Cabrera invited them into his home, they walked down the driveway, which they claim was steep, poorly lit and "littered with leaves and debris, and contained unsafe, slippery tiles," causing them to slip and seriously injure themselves.

Abraham allegedly suffered "major brain trauma injury, requiring multiple surgeries, and was in a coma, near death" while DiPersio sustained injuries to her face, head, neck, and hands, which required surgery to correct.

Sounds like a pretty violent accident!

Was an ambulance called? Is there a police report?

Why did the lawsuit take so long?

[Image via WENN.]

Permalink / 28 comments (RSS)  / Forward this post »

How very sad, but completely necessary.

Ryan Cabrera has really been hit by not being a relevant artist anymore! Honestly, when is the last time you heard a song out of this guy?

Anyway, first we mentioned that he was pimping himself out through Sam's Club for birthday parties and bar mitzvahs.

But now the dude is selling his house!

According to Realtors.com, the "Villa Cabrera" is a spacious and gorgeous 3 bedroom house in the Hollywood Hills with all the amenities to keep a has-been occupied until he's forced to sell.

The asking price: $1,485,000

But seeing as Ryan is in such a tight spot, he'd probably take $1,000 and a Big Mac and be just as happy.

[Image via WENN.]

Permalink / 52 comments (RSS)  / Forward this post »

When you buy toilet paper in bulk, do you ever feel like you're missing something?

Maybe it's Ryan Cabrera!!!!

The singer, most commonly known for once dating Ashlee Simpson, is available for purchase courtesy of discount bulk retailer Sam's Club.

At the online store, you may purchase a private show with Cabrera for $24,500.

That is a big investment but you will enjoy yourself as you are covered by Sam's Club Member Satisfaction Guarantee.

Enjoy a serenade by the singer dubbed "on the fast-path to success."

Guess his 15 minutes are up!

[Image via WENN.]

Permalink / 27 comments (RSS)  / Forward this post »

Rub a dub dub!

Ryan Cabrera hit the NBA Live 09 party at LA's Beso on Friday.

He looked nice!

We bet he smelled good.

What do U think?

See y'all, showering and getting a haircut every once in a while can go a LONG way!

It looks like he's even been on a diet recently!

[Image by Rachel Worth via WENN.]

Permalink / 55 comments (RSS)  / Forward this post »

Blame it on the Simpson curse!

Asslee's ex-boyfriend, Ryan Cabrera, has released a new album independently. Bypassing the majors, the singer's new record is on Poppa Joe's record label.

And no one cares!

According to Boxscore, Cabrera played a concert with musician Ferras at the Newport Music Hall in Columbus, Ohio, on June 18th.

The venue's capacity is 1,200.

But Cabrera only sold 177 tickets.

That's not even a slap - that's a big fist up the butt!

[Image via Mavrix Online.]

Permalink / 132 comments (RSS)  / Forward this post »

Looking out-of-it, singer Ryan Cabrera was seen leaving Prince's secret concert at the Green Door in L.A. on Wednesday night with his worse for wear girlfriend, model and Lisa Marie Presley's daughter Riley Keough.

We hope these two kids aren't getting into any "trouble" they shouldn't be, if you know what we mean, Lindsay Lohan!

At least we now understand Riley's attraction to Ryan.

He totally reminds her of her gradfather (circa '70s, pill-popping, about-to-die, fat Elvis era)!

[Image via Buzz Foto.]

Permalink / 160 comments (RSS)  / Forward this post »

Ashlee Simpson's ex-boyfriend collects his freebies at the Star Lounge gifting suite at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas on Friday.

I find Ryan Cabrera incredibly sexy because _________.

[Image via Mavrix Online.]

Permalink / 352 comments (RSS)  / Forward this post »