Looking for something creepy to get the Twilight lover in your life? Look no further than these new Eclipse action figures!

Several characters are available for your Twilight delight. Sashay the night away with Edward and his posable, masculine pointed toe. (Tutu and glitter edition sold separately). You can get Bella, with a perfectly sculpted scowl, slouch and receding hairline. New to the collection this series is the Rosalie figure. This particular model was consulted on by one of Michael Jackson's plastic surgeons. Notice the similar jaw line and disproportionate nose.

But what you'll really want to do is order the perfection that is the Jacob Black doll in bulk. Sure his face looks like Mr. Magoo, but you can't pass on abs like that.

We'll take 2 crates please.

Uh, oh!

After a weak debut with his first single "Something 'Bout Love" last week, David Archuleta's upcoming album The Other Side Down has been pushed back from a September release to October.

His website reads:

"We’d like you all to be the first to know that the release date for The Other Side of Down has changed. It will now be coming on October 5th. Like the last time we dealt with a date change, this one is definitely for the best. David would like to make sure he’s delivering the best possible album and he needs just a little more time to do it."

Never a good sign!

[Image via WENN.]

Justin Bieber, you controversial 16 year old, you!

Protestors from the Westboro Baptist Church made their disdain for the Biebs known with their presence outside his Sprint Center concert in Kansas City, MO, and many parents made their disdain for the protestors known as well.

An angry mother screamed the following at the protestors:

"You're a shame that you think you can walk around this god-forsaken country and treat people that way.”

Another angry mother, Amber Heavner, lashed out and said the following:

“He has not done anything wrong. He's here to entertain the public, I guess just like she's here to entertain the public. He has not done anything wrong. These are children …these are children… my children can read, my children can see, my children can see that she's got signs that say 'God hates America!'"

Wow Biebs, you really got this Church group angry. What satanistic things are you doing at your concerts? Is there something we should know about?

[Image via WENN.]

Sources are telling us that you are being inundated with fan mail while you sit locked away in Lynwood prison. Rather than waste the stamp, we thought we'd just write to you from here.

What's that? You don't know what we are talking about?

Oh, well, the staff in the mailroom at your prison has been besieged with love letters, ransom notes and Valuepak coupons all addressed to one Lindsay Lohan. They are from your fans. Didn't you know you had any of those, did you? The prison folk say that they've been roughly getting around 250 letters a day for you.

Can you feel the love?

What's that now? You haven't gotten any of this mail?

No, you wouldn't. Not yet anyway. The prison only allows it's occupants 10 letters at a time. But no worries, when you are released from the clink and moved to your seaside rehab facility, they'll hand over the bushels of envelopes to you and you can delve into what is sure to be a fountain of literary poetry.

We hope you'll share some of the gems with us via Twitter. We're looking forward to it.

Hugs and Kisses and Cocaine, Perez

P.S. - If there is white powder in any of the envelopes, don't inhale! It might not be what you think!

[Image via WENN.]

Oh, please!

M. Knight Shyamalan has been receiving quite a bit of heat considering his latest releases have flopped, but that's okay because he's just like Michael Jordan!

Wait, what?

He explains:

"Look, I loved Michael Jordan, right? He was my favorite basketball player. When I used to watch him at Madison Square Garden there would be 25,000 people booing every time that he touched the ball, screaming abuse at him. And it was because the entire stadium was there to see him be spectacular. They were like, 'I don't want you to disappoint me or hurt me.'

"I'm no Michael Jordan but maybe I get a little of that… Reviews of my movies often spend a lot of the time talking about me, not the movie!"

Ha!

Whatever gets you through the day!

[Image via WENN.]

Yep, yep, yeppers!

Sources say that Hugh Hefner wants to open casinos in both England and China.

In his advanced age, Hef is apparently looking into ways to expand his empire that having nothing to do with adult entertainment.

Huh. Did your Viagra prescription run out or are you just that into Mahjong?

The Playboy told sources:

"We will be announcing casinos in both Macao, China and London. As far as media goes, I think we'll be involved in more mainstream ventures. That's the direction we're moving in; we're moving away from the adult programming because it's not the future. I think it gets in the way of who we are, and who we want to be…In their early years, the Playboy clubs were so hugely popular that the company's ability as a 'branding' vehicle became obvious."

Right, so these will be Playboy casinos, right? Like, with Holly Madison performing in the lobby and a peep show in the back?

Because honestly, that is the only way these places are going to make any money!

Just saying!

[Image via WENN.]

Laugh away at this shithead. He deserves it.

The man above is 21 year old Matthew Clemmens of Cherry Hill, NJ.

If you recall, we reported on a few months ago because the sick asshole purposely stuck his finger down his throat so he would vomit on an off-duty police officer and his 11 year old daughter at a Philadelphia Phillies game last April!

He now has plead guilty to assault, harassment, and disorderly conduct, and has been sentenced to 1-3 months in prison, two years on probation, and 50 hours of community service.

Absolutely deplorable! He deserves everything he got!

X Factor winner Joe McElderry is gay!

Despite denying rumors in the past, the 19-year-old singer made the decision to come out, saying, "I'm really happy, I now know who I am."

Joe had previously insisted he was straight when asked by the media, but up until he three weeks ago, he didn't really the know the answer himself!

“Every time I was asked, I gave honest answers. I wasn’t attracted to anyone anyway, male or female. It never really entered my head I was gay. I’ve had time to think about things. I wasn’t attracted to anyone anyway, male or female. It never really entered my head I was gay. But I just know. It’s how I feel. I’m so happy. It’s all been so recent to be honest. Over the past couple of weeks I’ve had time to think and come to realize who I am. I have grown up a lot. I know it sounds crazy but before then, I was so busy. It hadn’t even crossed my mind.

I only told my mum last week, on a train. She was fine, great even. She’d actually asked us in the past, not because she thought I was gay but because she’s a supportive mum. She’d say, ‘I don’t care if you have a girlfriend or boyfriend’. My family have been so supportive.”

Joe also reveals that he's only kissed one boy, saying that he thought, " 'Oh, that’s weird, maybe that’s what happens.' I didn’t know what it meant. It was nothing serious, just a one-off thing. I’m single, I’ve not had a ­relationship with a boy, but I just know. It’s how I feel."

He even says that X Factor judges Simon Cowell and Cheryl Tweedy were completely supportive of his decision. And as for his fans, he says, “I’m not worried about how fans will react. They have always said they’ll back me no matter what. Everyone’s been really kind so I would like to thank them and your readers for all the support."

And we support you too, Joe! Congrats!

Welcome to the gayborhood!

[Image via WENN.]