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Two-Year-Old Kid Gets Cut By Razor Blades Glued All Over His Playground! Who Would Do This?!?

Filed under: Icky Icky PooOuchie!Crazzzzy

east moline playground 7 doodle

You have to be a real sicko to do something like this!

Parents in East Moline, Illinois were shocked to see about a dozen razor blades glued onto the playground equipment at Millennium Park!

Unfortunately this dangerous crime wasn’t discovered until after the sharp metal pieces actually

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Razor blades and glue on playgroundRazor blades and glue on playgroundRazor blades and glue on playgroundRazor blades and glue on playgroundRazor blades and glue on playgroundRazor blades and glue on playground

Jimmy Fallon Takes The Polar Plunge To Raise Money For The Special Olympics!

Filed under: Jimmy FallonCharityOlympicsGIFs

jimmy fallon polar plunge fundraiser for special olympics

While you were busy watching the Oscars wrapped up in a nice warm blanket in the comfort of your home, Jimmy Fallon was jumping in a freezing cold lake in the middle of the winter!!

The hilarious late night host made his way to Chicago yesterday to participate in the annual Polar Plunge and took a dip in Lake Michigan to help raise money for the Special Olympics Chicago!

Jimmy did his best to dress warm for the occasion as he opted for his trademark suit and tie instead of a Speedo, but it doesn't look like the extra layers did him any good! Based on his facial expression and the fact that there's snow everywhere, we're guessing it was pretty darn cold!!

We hope Jimmy got his hands on a nice big cup of hot chocolate afterwards! He deserves it!

[Image via AP Images.]

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Illinois Passes Marriage Equality Bill, Will Become 15th State To Legalize Same-Sex Unions! Hooray!

illinois legalizing same sex marriage 15th state march on springfield equal rights love hooray boystown

The "s" in Illinois may be silent, but it's freedom loving people are not!

Thanks to a recent march on the State Capitol by its freedom loving citizens, Illinois will become the 15th state in the Union to have legalized same-sex marriages!

The state Senate passed the wonderfully awesome marriage equality bill earlier this afternoon and it's is expected to be signed into law by Governor Pat Quinn soon!

Rep. Ann Williams voted to support the measure. She explained her decision:

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Google Satellites Discover Christian Science Church Is Actually Giant Brown Dong! See It HERE!

Filed under: Wacky, Tacky & TrueGIFs

christian science building dixon illinois giant brown space dong google satellites

Meanwhile, in space…

We loved Gravity, but now we almost wish the plot centered around two good-looking astronauts — still played by George Clooney & Sandra Bullock — who discover Earth's giant chocolate peen while doing their space walk! Maybe it causes them to laugh so hard that they use up all of their oxygen and nearly perish!

Because, as it turns out, this big brown space sausage is actually a thing!!!

The religious elders who approved an architectural plan of a Christian Science building in Dixon, IL — get it? Dixon? Take your time, we'll wait — probably had no idea that their pretty little building would wind up looking like a perfectly proportioned replica of Wesley Snipes' enormous ebony penis (scaled 14:1) when viewed from space!

Unfortunately, a lack of foreskin foresight on their part doesn't prevent Google's satellites from picking up an aerial (money) shot of the biggest boner in all of Illinois!

Or maybe they knew precisely what they were constructing all along! Perhaps this is an offering to a benevolent God that knows the value of a good vomiting cobra when He or She sees one!

Either way, they even thought to include a thicket of pubic hair-esque shrubbery!

Oh, life! Sometimes UR too good to be true!

[Image via Google Maps.]

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Former Chicago Bears Coach Mike Ditka Says He Could Have Kept President Obama Out Of The White House! Quote Of The Day!

Filed under: Quote of the DayZportzPolitikBarack ObamaFootball

mike ditka says he could have kept president obama out of office

"Biggest mistake I've ever made. Not that I would have won, but I probably would have and he wouldn't be in the White House."

-Mike Ditka on how he could have kept Barack Obama out of the White House by representing Illinois in the Senate.

[Image via Pablo Martinez Monsivais/AP Images.]

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Giant Monster Hornets Are Going To KILL You!!

Filed under: Scary!InsectsDanger!Bugs

Giant monster hornets are coming to kill you!!

Have you heard of these giant Asian hornets??

They're pretty much exactly how they sound… they're hornets and they're huge. (Also, they're from Asia!)

And they're killing the shiz out of everyone!!*

*(Not actually everyone…)

At least 28 people have died from these bees and hundreds more have been injured in attacks!

The bees will chase people for hundreds of meters and sting them hundreds of times.

Oh, and did we mention the average stinger length of a giant Asian hornet is about a quarter-inch??

Right now, they're said to only be in China, but the fear is they're spreading, especially since some were reported being seen in Illinois last year.

Well, guess we're gonna buy some plate armor and never leave the house! LOLz!

[Image via Imgur.]

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Testicle Eating Fish Found In Illinois Lake!!

Filed under: Scary!FishDisgusting!Danger!

Oh boy… oh jeez… oh wow… this… this is horrifying!!

There's a fish known as the Pacu that is an exotic fish, in the same family as piranhas.

While a piranha has jagged teeth, a Pacu has teeth much like a human's!

These fish are infamous for killing men by ripping off their testicles!!

That seriously sounds like the most terrifying thing EVERRR!

Ball eating fish! Don't go swimming in Illinois!

Check out the video (above) to get a look at the most awful fish ever!!

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