So this is the one without the vampires??
Yup! The only bloodsuckers in this Abraham Lincoln biopic are bureaucrats and politicians! ZING!
Ch-ch-check out Daniel Day-Lewis sportin’ a rad old-timey beard in Steven Spielberg‘s eagerly anticipated Civil War era epic, Lincoln!
Not since the days of Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure have we seen such a compelling portrayal of our 16th President!
Other stars of the surefire blockbuster include Robin Joseph Gordon-Levitt, the delightfully delish James Spader, and, look, there’s Sally Field getting her Mary-Todd on!
Lincoln will play in theaters everywhere four-score and seven years from now in November!
Except for Ford’s Theater, probably. That would just be wrong!