Meet Iron Underwear Man! His Special Powers? Getting Caught Trying To Open An ATM With A Blow Torch!

Something tells us this guy won’t be joining the Avengers anytime soon.
A 32-year-old man by the name of Tony Stark Mark Fischer is accused of attempting to use a blowtorch to cut into an ATM in Portland on Sunday, in a story that could be turned into a great Portlandia sketch.
Not only did he reportedly have a knife, a stun gun, and an acetylene torch, he allegedly tried pepper-spraying the cops who were sent to the scene. Best of all, he was wearing, get this, armored underwear complete with ballistic panels!
Talk about balls of steel!
Usually a cup does the trick, but we guess he really wanted to make sure that no one gave him a below the belt punch!
He’s booked right now on multiple charges, including possession of body armor, which is a felony! Next time leave your steel thong at home!