Mormon Wives' Jessi Announces Therapy Retreat Plans To Heal After Two 'Emotionally Unsafe' Marriages - As She Owns Up To 'Stupid Decisions'

Jessi Draper is ready for a change after “stupid decisions” and two failed marriages.

As Secret Lives of Mormon Wives fans know, the 33-year-old hairstylist is getting a divorce again. Her estranged husband, Jordan Ngatikaura, filed in March after five years of marriage. It comes after a ton of drama between the exes — especially regarding her two-week emotional affair with Marciano Brunette, which we later learned started after she learned Jordan had been hiring escorts. According to Jessi, he also had been emotionally abusive, like her first husband, Zach Gish, with whom she was married from 2014 to 2019, and attended sex parties during their relationship.

While fans were rooting for Jessi amid her newfound freedom, things changed when she kissed her friends Miranda McWhorter and Kate Racker‘s ex, Chase McWhorter. Yikes. The television personality knows she has made mistakes, and she continues to own up to them amid the backlash! She also wants to get help to break her old patterns!

Jessi took to Instagram on Monday to get real with her followers, saying she has been feeling “lost” while dealing with her second divorce:

“This is such a weird experience to go through, and I know a lot of you can relate, and it’s the second divorce I’ve been through, which has been awful. They’ve both been very different and doing it with kids is very unique and different from my first situation. I just feel, like, really lost to be honest.”

For the past 10 years, Jessi claimed she has been dealing with two marriages that “were emotionally unsafe,” so she learned habits, routines, defense mechanisms, “and things that keep you safe.” And now that she is out of the cycle, she feels like she is going “a little bit crazy.” The reality star continued:

“I feel like I’m going through that right now. It’s kind of like a purging and a detox of the patterns that I’m used to. I have a lot of patterns that I don’t love. I have a lot of behaviors that I don’t love either, and I’m really trying to work on that.”

This week, Jessi shocked fans when she was spotted hanging out with Marciano again. However, she noted in the video that she is “single” at the moment:

“At the same time also being like, I’m single, I want to have fun. I want to enjoy life because I haven’t in so long. But I also want to do all of this in the right way and I want to heal and I want to not make mistakes anymore.”

Which is why she is going on a four-day therapy retreat! Jessi explained she plans to try to mourn and heal from her past. Although she knows getting a divorce is the right decision, it hasn’t been easy, which is why she feels she needs to get help:

“I’ve had the darkest days I’ve ever had in the last month and it’s been really rough. … It’s normal to feel all over the place and misplaced and sad and then happy and then relieved and then depressed. I’ve felt all of the emotions.”

Oof! It’s definitely a hard experience! We feel for her! The mom of two expressed that what also hasn’t helped is the public scrutiny over her life lately, especially after kissing her friends’ ex:

“There’s no perfect way to handle divorce and breaking up your family and also going through that publicly adds another layer. It’s very weird to have everyone have opinions on your situation and your decision making, especially when you do make mistakes or maybe act out of pocket, like, I know, I’ve been doing some things that are crazy, and it’s weird to have people having commentary about your every move. I know it’s what I signed up for, but when you’re going through something so emotionally challenging, it is so weird when the world also is going through it with you.”

But Jessi takes “full ownership” of what she has done:

“I’ve received a lot of love and support and I want to thank you for that but I’ve also received a ton of hate and it’s totally warranted. I am trying to get through this the best possible way I can. … I take full ownership over all the mistakes I’ve made and all the stupid decisions I’ve made, but I am realizing I can’t just get divorced and go live a normal life. I’m having so much come to the surface right now, and I have a lot of healing to do.”

We’re sending love to Jessi amid her healing journey! Hopefully, this retreat will give her the clarity she is looking for. Watch the video (below):