[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]
Natalie Joy is tragically “actively miscarrying” their second child.
On Wednesday’s episode of The Viall Files, Nick Viall’s wife, who welcomed their first daughter River Rose last year, broke down in tears revealing she has sadly lost the baby she was pregnant with — or, perhaps more devastatingly, she was losing it as she spoke:
“I’ve been trying to be a good mom to River and come and do my job, whether it’s on the podcast or on social media for the past week. And currently, as I sit here today, I’m actively miscarrying our second child, and it has been the biggest heartbreak, I think, of my life.”
That’s SO awful. She continued:
“I’ve never experienced something where I feel so empty inside. My sister has had 12 miscarriages, and it’s like you feel sad and you wanna be there for these people, but you don’t really know the loss that they feel until you go through it yourself.”
12 miscarriages. Dear lord. Just so traumatic.
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Nick was hurting, too, obviously. The Bachelor alum added:
“I mean, especially for everyone involved except for the mother, even as a father, connecting with your unborn child is a process. And I think especially Natalie’s desire, and correct me if I’m wrong to share this, is just to express what it feels like, especially for all the women out there and all the moms and all the women who desire to be a mom, especially those who have had a challenge conceiving.”
Natalie said she feels bad about not being even kinder to women who were going through this before. She reasoned, “Every experience you have until you experience something, it’s harder to empathize. And once you can, you sometimes feel a bit of guilt for not empathizing the way you feel like you should have now that it’s happened to you.”
The young mom heartbreakingly continued through teary eyes:
“I want River to be able to watch this back and see her parents’ love for her sibling that could have been here. I just feel dead inside. And it sucks because I have to be so alive for River. You know? I have to be silly and goofy and funny and play with her. And then I have this overwhelming guilt that when I’m with you, I can’t also do that. I’m sad that the only version of me you get right now is this broken person, and I’m sorry for that.”
She added she’s “so tired” of “performing” to get through the trauma:
“It’s also just a really confusing state, I think, for anyone who’s going through this, you question everything. I look at myself and I’m like, ‘I just had a successful, non-complicated pregnancy and birth, and I’m 26 years old. And like, why? Why me? Why did this happen to me?’”
Such a difficult thing to come to terms with.
As for how Natalie discovered she was miscarrying, she revealed she’d been “spot bleeding” for a while before reaching out to her sister for input. Now, we’ll warn any moms and potential moms out there, this gets a little graphic — and very upsetting:
“I think I knew from the jump. But I didn’t wanna accept that. And then it just got heavier and heavier. I’m just so thankful that we were home and not traveling and not in a hotel or on an airplane, but we got home and I went to go pee. And it was like I gave birth.”
How traumatic…
She recalled screaming and crying until Nick came to the bathroom:
“And you know, you just think like, ‘How are you supposed to stand up and flush this baby down the toilet? Like how do you do that?’”
So instead of flushing, Nick took Natalie out of the bathroom and then went back in to “retrieve” the fetus — a “traumatic” experience.
The mourning mother continued:
“That was definitely the hardest night of my life. Just experiencing that is something I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. And unfortunately, I know a lot of women do experience it, and I just feel for these people so much because I was so mad at my body for letting it go. You know? I was like, ‘Why couldn’t you just hold on to it?’”
So awful.
She eventually talked to her doctor, who assured her the pregnancy wouldn’t have been viable outside of her body, which allowed her to begin the healing process:
“I think it’s the only thing that you have to hold on to to be able to heal, you know, is to have the doctors assuring you of like, this baby wasn’t gonna live regardless. Our doctor being able to say it was unviable. It wasn’t going to live outside of your body, it gives you some hope of like, okay.”
She added:
“Well, at least like, I don’t know. If you focus on the scientific part, I think that’s what gets you through it, which is incredibly hard to do.”
Watch their entire emotional podcast episode (below):
Our hearts hurt for Natalie and Nick. We’re sending them so much love and light!
[Images via Nick Viall/YouTube]