A Song For Lindsay Lohan

8/31/2007 11:20 PM ET | Filed under: Lindsay Lohan • Tori Amos

This gem is from earlier this summer, but we just discovered it.

During one of her legendary improvs, the Goddess that is Tori Amos sang a song about Lindsay Lohan!!!

Click here to listen to the brazilliance.

Lyrics below!

"Just a little chat
I need to have
When I was 21 do you think I had a bag of cocaine
in my car?

If I did - if I did
You'd never know it because it would have been hidden
I'm not stupid.
But why are so many 21-year old millionaires so stupid?
Stupid and cute.
But stupid - I don't know.

Let's just say
When I was 26 (or seven - or eight)
And I was a billionairess
What would I have done?
Many naughty things.
Many, many, many naughty things.
But I would have had a DRIVER!

'Cuz I'm not stupid, no.
I'm not stupid, no.
Not THAT stupid anyway
'Cuz if I had been naughty
(I like being naughty)

But I haven't been caught so far
and I am almost 44
44
And I've done many, many, many, many, many bad things.

They are hidden inside my *mmm - mmm*
Inside my *mmm - mmm*
So there's no record or no fingerprints on it

'Cuz I'm not stupid
'Cuz I'm not stupid
No, not stupid!"

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269 comments to “A Song For Lindsay Lohan”

More comments: [1] 2 3 »

S.LeeKeels says – reply to this

1

first
*tara says – reply to this

2

she's awesome.
holly says – reply to this

3

I love Tori Amos! She is sweet.
otrspc2 says – reply to this

4

Wonder what the tune is.. cause the lyrics suck
Sara says – reply to this

5

hahahhhh.
Nice tori. nice.
rolo says – reply to this

6

two fire crotches!!!sweeeeett.
missy says – reply to this

7

dsa
Amy says – reply to this

8

perfect. love tori.
Jzz says – reply to this

9

first
inforedux says – reply to this

10

ah ms amos, you've done it again…
Brooksie says – reply to this

11

She is stupid for writing such a stupid song. All she did was give Lindsay and Paris all they ever wanted, attention!
Melissa says – reply to this

12

first cause I'm home sweating my ass off!!! i love Tori and I heart Perez!! I like the way you do it riyt thurr
Bytch says – reply to this

13

Thats a little bazzare.
Vendela says – reply to this

14

The BRILLIANCE that is TORI AMOS! Yay GIRL!!!!!
como lobo says – reply to this

15

She's no Lindsay.
Katie says – reply to this

16

HAHA THATS SO GREAT AMENNN
Lopez says – reply to this

17

TORI AMOS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT!!!
holly says – reply to this

18

second
jk says – reply to this

19

Genius! I love her & Lohan!
yo says – reply to this

20

thats really homo
bbb says – reply to this

21

first
d. patrick says – reply to this

22

this song rocks.
holliedaze says – reply to this

23

Brilliant

well said
Lucy says – reply to this

24

GREAT SONG!!
BeevoNerd says – reply to this

25

Love her.
Bytch says – reply to this

26

She's right on the mark though.
Funny.
Aimee says – reply to this

27

Love it… just what I want to say to them
Torifan says – reply to this

28

Tori Rocks!
Down with Lohan!
kathyl says – reply to this

29

OK… the second part is not about Lilo, it's about Parasite.
Kane St Kane says – reply to this

30

Tori is brazilliant!

Lindsay…. Isn't she the new white Whitney - Cracked out and hisheous?
Anonymous says – reply to this

31

Are we just ignoring that this song is also blatantly about Paris???
Jayna says – reply to this

32

Awesome lyrics. Looks like she had more than Lohan on her mind, though.
lala says – reply to this

33

this was so funny — listen to it.

I too would have hired an f-ing driver.
christine says – reply to this

34

haha
tara says – reply to this

35

hehe evil
ilona rose says – reply to this

36

As lame as I would have expected from that loser that is, Tori Amos. Why do all the gays and faghags love her? I just dont get it…I seriously tried to listen to her music more than once, but it is so terrible, I just cant do it. I could have written a better song about LiLo with my eyes closed, while someone was pouring battery acid down my throat…Oh Yeah….Then I would have sounded just like this loser…"I'm a MILF, wanna fuck, I am so great, but i dont know why…" Oh Please, go away…If it wasnt for the gays keeping her going, she would be playing her piano at your local Holiday Inn, 1 drink minimum…Hate that poser bitch….Faker than anything….I think KFed has a better chance at being a rapper than Tori does at being a real singer/composer…
xox, ilona rose
WHO CARES says – reply to this

37

THEY'RE BOTH FIRECROTCHES
been there still doin that says – reply to this

38

so true. only the chosen few really need to know how much fun you're really having. like mr wilson! he kept his debauchery quiet. but some of us find a level that's quiet and not harming anyone, and we keep on ticking…
andrea says – reply to this

39

I love it so so so so soso so SO so sosososos so so so much.
After reading the lyrics through, I listened, and it came to LIFE when she sings it with her humor and timing and voice that is so lovely.
Thank you, Perezzers, you have enlightened me to many, many an entertainer/artist, YOU ARE NOT JUST ABOUT GOZZIPPPP!!!
Nicole says – reply to this

40

Ha! Tori rocks!!!
yo says – reply to this

41

Ha haha… That's funny. Maybe Lilo and the rest will take a hint and understand when people are writing songs about how stupid they are, they'd better take cleaning up their act seriously.
rupert says – reply to this

42

i love how the reason Perez got so big is because Paris Hilton bankrolled him back when he was just a tiny little blogger under the condition that he not write anything bad about her - I notice he still refuses to write anything bad about her, which begs the question: are ya still getting those checks from the Hiltons monthly, you flabby parasitic no-talent fuck????
bbbbmer says – reply to this

43

…oy — this contorted affected bitch is toe up talentless…. maybe her pet snake is autowriting her verse these days while she plays her piano looking like she needs to take a friggin dump…. pinch one off already, bitch!
OH NO says – reply to this

44

IF I WAS A WAR PRISONER, I THINK I'D TOLERATE MOST KINDS OF TORTURE WITH ONE EXCEPTION: BEING FORCED TO LISTEN TO TORI AMOS. I'D GIVE UP ANY INFORMATION AT THE FIRST SOUND OF THAT WHINY ABISMALLY SHITTY VOICE & CRAPPY PIANO PLAYING OF HERS—GOD!!!!! IT MAKES ME VOMIT JUST TO THINK OF IT!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
whahh? says – reply to this

45

If you look up the word SHIT in the dictionary, it says: Tori Amos' music
ed says – reply to this

46

Tori Anus, give me a break..One absolutely completely overrated no talent moron giving advice to another absolutely completely overrated no talent moron. Excuse me but I have more exciting things to do like watching paint dry.
teddi-girl says – reply to this

47

she rocks! go tori!
mary says – reply to this

48

AND I'S ALSO ABOUT YOUR BEST FRIEND EVER PEREZ…. YES, PARIS HILTON? DOES THAT RING A BELL??? DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO KISS HER ASS? IT'S REALLY ANNOYING. YOU TALK SHIT ABOUT EVERYONE, WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THE WRECK SHE IS!!

SHE'S JUST USING YOU. AND YOU WON'T ACCEPT IT. I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU AT TIMES. BUT THEN AGAIN NOT. KISSING THE RIGHT PEOPLE'S ASS IS WHAT YOU NOW DO FOR A LIVING.
jm says – reply to this

49

i just wanted to add that tori isn't really a firecrotch, just a fake dyed-ginger. but she's still like a goddess to me.
brilliant says – reply to this

50

Tori Amos is one of the few artists in the industry at this time that are actually intelligent and are doing music for the sake of music. She is a true artist and a very talented musician.

The most admirable thing is that during Tori's career — she has ALWAYS remained true to herself and her music… AND to her fans.
Hate Tori= You're an idiot says – reply to this

51

Tori rocks and if you don't get her music it's because you are stupid like PARIS and Lindsey
roxy says – reply to this

52

good i like it
Sarah says – reply to this

53

Go TORI!!! She rocks! I'd love to actually hear the song. Per-lez, is there any chance that you could get us the audio version?
Janet says – reply to this

54

Sorry, but I think it's kind of bitchy and really stupid. What's the point? Seriously. Lohan has messed up, ok we get it. Yes, let's shed more light on her misery. I have never understood the so called brilliance that is supposedly Tori Amos.
sagey says – reply to this

55

brilliant!
Clyde, Yes says – reply to this

56

IN ORDER TO "GET" TORI'S MUSIC, YOU HAVE TO BE INTELLIGENT.

SO, IF YOU DON'T "GET" HER MUSIC, THE JOKES ON YOU… STUPID.
Darv says – reply to this

57

Horrible Lyrics.
Nytefyre says – reply to this

58

Love me some Tori Amos!! Another real artist!
ru2piuijdqpdj says – reply to this

59

THAT SONG WASS STUPIDDDDD. and annoying.
marc says – reply to this

60

the lyrics sound stupid when you read them…but if you watch the video, the timing is right and she's just being funny. you should know that tori always does these sort of things and they are right off the top of her head. very funny and cute!
slutco says – reply to this

61

Why didn't you mention that one verse is about that FUCKING RETARDED SLUT, who's not LL? Hilton skank!!!
Doll Posse says – reply to this

62

AHHHHH!!!

I AM SO EXCITED THAT SHE IS TOURING AMERICA

THIS FALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Porsha aka The Didda says – reply to this

63

This is why I fuckin love Tori Amos!
Gwen says – reply to this

64

Ah, Tori. The poor man's Kate Bush.
shandi says – reply to this

65

ahh, i love love tori… that being said- well done, and ditto, this is great.
oldfart says – reply to this

66

One more stupid enabler - It's all Ok just be smarter in hiding it? How about - "when I was 21 I was too smart to be such a loser/user/abuser…"
Christi says – reply to this

67

It's about Paris too…though we know you're partial to her…you can't leave that part out!!

Love ya Perez!
Gayla says – reply to this

68

That is priceless!
Sara says – reply to this

69

Tori Amos is seriously talented and I bet she rocks in bed!
KJ says – reply to this

70

I LOVE TORI AMOS! LOL
RETARDED AMERICA says – reply to this

71

HI, I'M A RETARD! I THINK TORI IS REALLY FUNNY, HAHA! SHE'S MAKING FUN OF THOSE GIRLS! HAHA! OH, THAT'S SO FUNNY! AND SHE SOUNDS LIKE EVERYONE IN MY RETARD'S HOME WARD! SHE'S WELCOME HERE ANYTIME! HAHA! NOW, I'LL GO BACK TO LISTENING! BYE YOU GUYS! HAHA!
poop says – reply to this

72

Right on! truth!!!!
whisper says – reply to this

73

love her!!
sammy toes says – reply to this

74

dead on — she's brilliant.
beechy says – reply to this

75

ewwww….
TexasChick says – reply to this

76

I love it!! Lohan is stupid…..so fucking stupid
brandy says – reply to this

77

bahahahaha. that good.
melanie says – reply to this

78

Sorry could'nt listen to it! Not a big fan of hers, I think there was a song a long time ago I liked maybe two.
Sarah says – reply to this

79

You have to LOVE Tori Amos.
diane says – reply to this

80

hot!!!
all hail tori!
ihearttori says – reply to this

81

oh how I LOVE TORI!! and this is hilarious…a ridiculously funny song to match an equally ridiculous topic (Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton).
stephanie says – reply to this

82

Good God!!! I love that woman with a burning firey passion! *Mwah!*
Sara G. says – reply to this

83

talentless?
she's a prodigy.

jealous assclowns.

tori for prez.
Jenny says – reply to this

84

It's obviously about Paris and Nicole as well. Why don't you ever talk about the bad things Paris has done/does?
gbad says – reply to this

85

Tori Amost is fucking bad ass. This bitch delivers evey time. I love it!
Lauren says – reply to this

86

The lyrics are redundant & stupid.
I have lost respect for her if these are actually her lyrics.
Fodder for the uneducated American masses.\

OOOO she's been a baad girl! -It's so profound, Genius!!
-Pathetic is more like it.

There are so many more relevant things to write about.
A waste of time.

Didn't Pink do this song already?
megan says – reply to this

87

you just have to love her…you just have to! she is so sweet and cute and to the point you have to love her!!
Pandora says – reply to this

88

Those lyrics are pretty funny but I'd rather slit my wrist and die a slow painful death in the bathtub than listen to her sing.
Mish says – reply to this

89

Those who don't like it, oh well. You just don't understand her.

It takes brains to improv something like this! One of the many reasons I love her!

And, she's right, these girls are stupid…they're f-ing up their lives. Sure Tori wasn't perfect, but, like she said, she never got caught, and she didn't let it ruin her career or life!
The Phantom says – reply to this

90

Bye bye Tori…you were awesome, but after you associated with this tabloid whores you no longer are in my repertoire of intellectual music.
Samantha says – reply to this

91

Tori = amazing. I love her Improvs. And yes, this song is also about Paris as well (I would have had a DRIVER!)
Jessie says – reply to this

92

Tori is awesome as always! Seeing her in December!!
Quinn says – reply to this

93

OK, people — Tori "wrote" the song, but not for an album, she just IMPROV-ed it live during one of her concerts! She obviously meant the song as a joke, and many of the people who are complaining about the lack of substance in the song should realize that it is a joke.

And if an artist's music doesn't suit your taste, fine. Don't be mean-spirited about it and call the artist "poser-bitch" or "moron." What does one truly gain in the end by insulting someone, really?
Panic says – reply to this

94

NO…. you don't get it if you think Tori was being serious…

TORI IS JOKING!!!! SHE WAS SIMPLY JOKING!!!!!

SHE IS NOT SINGING THE SONG IN A SERIOUS WAY… LISTEN TO IT…… GOD….

SHE IS MAKING A FUCKING JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
amanda says – reply to this

95

Is this a joke - really bad lyrics! and
could she not of wrote that drugs were stupid fullstop - not that you are stupid only if you get caught!!! Talk about bragging!

would be funny if she still does drugs and then does get caught.
erin says – reply to this

96

to those of you complaining about the "bad" lyics–
don't forget the definition of IMPROV!
This is not a song on her record– she plays an improv at every show… about whatever is on her mind, obvs.

Tori is amazing, brilliant, and very talented. A musician who actually writes, plays, and produces her own music.

Tori's laughing all the way to the bank…. she doesn't need to cut checks to Ne-Yo and Timbaland for her songs.
hizzle says – reply to this

97

no way is she 44!
she is one sexy old bitch
trainwrekked says – reply to this

98

that song was awesome!!! right on the mark! you GOOOO TORI!!!!!
Dani says – reply to this

99

HAHA fuckin hilarioussss!!! is lohan an attention whore or is she just straight up shortbus status???????? because honestly if you have enough money theres no legitimate excuse for driving fucked up…i mean i understand if u want to have a quick escape from the paparazzi but you are a fucking target to the popo if you are a celebrity…so wise up whores bc im sick of seeing these fugly ass mugshots on my computer screen
Mark says – reply to this

100

In response to Ilona Rose's remark - OMG. I didn't realize there is someone that's worse than Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton at being stupid, but she just proved me wrong! K-fed being better than Tori Amos? Good heavens, get off your ass and buy some brains if you have money! Even one that's worth a penny - anything to give you more substance than what you have now!!!

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