It wouldn't surprise us!

Life & Style reports that 15-year-old Ashley Horn's birth certificate names Michael Lohan as her father!

Ashley's mother Kristi had an affair with Michael in the '90s when he was separated from his wife Dina Lohan. He has denied that he is Ashley's father when they first came forward back in 2008.

Apparently Michael didn't show up for a court hearing in December 2008 so the judge ruled that he could be added to the birth certificate. But Michael said recently, "I'd be glad to take a DNA test!"

Kristi also claims he owes $300,000 in back child support!

As for Ashley Horn, she says of Michael:

"I do not trust him, and I don't want to be around him or part of his life. I could never call Michael Lohan 'Dad.' A dad is a person who is there for you and takes care of you.

"I wanted to help Lindsay in some way, but what was I supposed to do? I don't even know how to contact her."

We have a feeling La Loca probably doesn't want to hear from her father's potential love child, but it's the thought that counts!

Ha!

[Image via WENN.]

UGH.

Just like an extra-persistent, pesky famewhoring cockroach that refuses to die, Michael Lohan has officially descended upon Los Angeles to stalk and harass his daughter Lindsay!

And because fate is unrelentingly cruel on occasion, he has revealed that he plans to terrorize the west coast permanently!

In true Lohan fashion, Michael has chosen to speak to the press instead of worrying himself with where he's going to live, and he took the opportunity to explain that although his daughter doesn't want to see him right now, he feels that as she goes through outpatient rehab, that attitude could change!

And it wouldn't be an interview without him taking a dig at Orange Oprah!

He says:

"If wedges hadn't been put between us and people didn't use children as pawns, a lot of the problems suffered by children wouldn't happen."

Or maybe if you didn't whore your children out, exploit their lives for personal gain, and be an all around abusive monster, a lot of problems suffered by children wouldn't happen, either!

Just saying!

[Image via WENN.]

Ouch! You pay your dues and you still can't get any respect. Tough gig, girl!

On Friday, Robert Rodriguez’s Machete will open to theaters, but just last week, Hollywood gathered to celebrate the film at it's premiere. Everyone, that is, but Lindsay Lohan!

Even though she had just been released from rehab the day before and she stars in the film as a wealthy and spoiled junkie daughter of a politician who makes sex tapes with her mom, insiders from the red carpet were led to believe that LiLo wasn't invited to the premiere because of her notoriety. The filmmakers were concerned that should LiLo attend, it would be a massive disruption and take the attention away from the movie.

A movie, mind you, that Lindsay is naked in the majority of the time, which maybe the only draw for some people!

When sources reached out to Lindsanity's mother, Dina, for comment on the matter, she simply said:

“We are in a great place and I am not commenting there!”

Finally! A topic about Lindsay's life her parents are willing to shut the hell up about! Oh, happy day!

Ugh, it's about time!

Lindsay Lohan sent a threatening cease and desist letter to her father in order for him to stop selling her stuff!

In an act she calls "shameful," Michael Lohan is attempting to sell excerpts of her private diary which she wrote while in rehab at Cirque Lodge in 20007.

WTF is he thinking?!

La Loca is "appalled" by his actions and said that if he continues, she will exercise her legal rights and seek damages for a "grave invasion of privacy."

The man is lower than trash.

[Image via WENN.]

This is actually quite heartbreaking. It just goes to show that no amount of money or fame can replace a sense of security when one's safety has been compromised.

Late last June, a grand jury filed into a Los Angeles courtroom to hear testimonies about the infamous "Bling Ring" burglaries that terrorized several recognizable young Hollywood stars, from the stars themselves.

The hearing apparently went on without anyone knowing the wiser, but today, documents from the hearing have been unsealed and they offer more details on how these crimes took their toll on the celebs.

Among those in attendance was Lindsay Lohan, who two weeks after would be sentenced to prison. She gave a detailed account of arriving at her house on the night it was broken into. She told the jury that she was forced to move out of her home after one of the burglars left black fingerprints on her wall. The sight was no unnerving, she just had to leave. She told the court:

"That night I went back to the house, I just felt, to be honest, so violated and uncomfortable that I literally packed as much stuff as I could because it wasn't about the things that were taken, it was just the fact that someone came into the only private space that I have in my life at this point."

This feeling of violation was echoed by the other stars who testified, including Orlando Bloom, Audrina Patridge and Paris Hilton. Rachel Bilson confessed that she too thought about selling her house after it was looted because she just didn't feel safe there anymore. She told the jurors:

"It took me a while to feel comfortable staying there. I wouldn't sleep in my bedroom for about a month. And I was convinced that I needed to sell my house and get out of there, because I was very scared. But I'm still there."

After Rachel, Orlando told the panel how the break-in at his home had left him "distrustful" of the people around him, especially after he realized his carefully hidden collection of watches were stolen. He explained:

"It's just awful because you are suddenly second-guessing everything. You are like, 'Who has been in my house?' You know, the value of things kind of fades away. It's really about who is it, who am I starting to question?"

Such a shame! No one deserves to feel so unsafe in their own homes!

The good thing is, with these testimonies in place, there will be no need for preliminary hearings when the five remaining Bling Ring members face their charges. Their cases will straight to trial.

A little vindication, if nothing else.

[Image via WENN.]

What is going on here?

Lindsay Lohan was snapped with Adam Leber, Britney Spears' manager, in Beverly Hills yesterday - and we bet they had LOTS to talk about together!

Seems like those rumors of Brit Brit's camp helping LiLo are true!

[Image via GSI Media.]

It seems Lindsay Lohan might be getting the comeback that she desires. The wacktress landed the October cover of Vanity Fair and if everyone believes her shiz, LOLhan might get to legitimately act again.

She talks about her career, family and the reason she ended up in jail.

Here are some HIGHlights:

On her career:
"I want my career back. I want the respect that I had when I was doing great movies. And if that takes not going out to a club at night, then so be it. It's not fun anyway.

On her past:
I don't care what anyone says. I know that I'm a damn good actress. … And I know that in my past I was young and irresponsible-but that's what growing up is. You learn from your mistakes.

On rumors that she's an alcoholic:
"If I were the alcoholic everyone says I am, then putting a [SCRAM] bracelet on would have ended me up in detox, in the emergency room, because I would have had to come down from all the things that people say I'm taking and my father says I'm taking-so that says something, because I was fine. I think everyone has their own addictions and hopefully learns how to get past them"

On her father:
"I think my biggest focus for myself is learning how to continue to get through the trauma that my father has caused in my life."

On her alleged drug use:
"I've never abused prescription drugs. I never have-never in my life. I have no desire to. That's not who I am. I've admitted to the things that I've done-to, you know, dabbling in certain things and trying things ’cause I was young and curious and thought it was like, O.K., ’cause other people were doing it and other people put it in front of me. And I see what happened in my life because of it."

On the courtroom drama:
It was "hearbreaking" see Ali cry. "The worst part of it is you turn around and you see your dad crying and normally you’d be, like, happy that your father’s there. But then he has to go and do an interview right after."

On hanging out with the wrong crowd:
“So many people around me would say they cared for the wrong reasons. A lot of people were pulling from me, taking from me and not giving. I had a lot of people that were there for me for, you know, the party.”

On first moving to El Lay:
"It was very go-go-go and I had a lot of responsibility; and I think just the second I didn’t have [structure] anymore—I was 18, 19—with a ton of money and no one really here to tell me that I couldn’t do certain things … And I see where that’s gotten me now, and I don’t like it.” The tabloids were “really scary and sad… I would look up to those girls… the Britneys and whatever. And I would be like, I want to be like that.”

Despite Lindsay's denial that she cooperated with photographers, it seems she'll do anything for the money!

“If I called her up right now and said I’ll give you $10,000, she’d come right down,” claims a photog. “Once you’re famous, there’s always a way to make money. She might not be doing what she’d like to be doing, but she’ll always be Lindsay Lohan.”

LOLz. Do U think she is gonna turn herself around?!

For once, Lindsay isn't the troublemaker!

After her bulldog Cadillac killed a defenseless Maltese in front of her El Lay apartment on Monday, saMAN Ronson offers nothing but remorse.

She took to her Twitter to express her condolences.

"There is absolutely nothing I can say that will alter one minute of today, nothing," saMAN Tweeted. "I feel incredibly sad and wish I could offer more than condolences, unfortunately there are no words to describe how sorry I am."

Poor doggies.

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[Image via WENN.]

LOLs! Amazing!

Check out this HIGHlarious clip of the self-proclaimed "Perez Hilton of Broadway" Randy Rainbow chatting it up with Miz Lindsanity LOLhan after her release from jail and rehab!

We knew that she would be up to her old tricks in no time! That's our girl!

Ha!