Bethany Joy Lenz wasn’t just in a cult — she was like their princess, married to the son of the cult leader. And it was an experience that forever changed her relationship with sex.
The One Tree Hill star is opening up like never before about her time in The Big House Family cult — a group she was in for 10 years. Surprisingly, that includes years she was filming the hit CW show. At 20 years old, Bethany was part of a bible study in LA when a visiting pastor came in and “morphed” the group. It slowly transformed into a manipulative and controlling cult — though she wouldn’t come to this realization until about a year after she welcomed her daughter with her husband, who just so happened to be the leader’s son. In her upcoming book, Dinner For Vampires, she referred to him only as “QB.” But now she’s willing to say so much more.
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On Wednesday’s revealing episode of Call Her Daddy, the Snowed-Inn Christmas star recalled not having much “in common” with her husband, sharing:
“We didn’t have a lot in common. There wasn’t a lot of intellectual stimulation. I kind of run out of options. … It just became this sort of arranged situation.”
“Arranged” marriage in a cult? Uh oh. She described their relationship to host Alex Cooper as “easy and playful” at first — but she was never attracted to him, causing problems.
Though she had been saving herself for marriage, Bethany said she was always “boy crazy,” recalling:
“I had a crazy sex drive. It’s kind of amazing that I didn’t have sex until I was married.”
However, when she did finally tie the knot and it was time to take things to the next level, she didn’t feel “connected” to her partner. So the intimate parts weren’t as exciting as she’d always been promised. She explained:
“I thought if I saved myself for marriage, then the promise is amazing sex and super deep intimacy and nothing’s ever as good. And it’s just like the best thing ever. God created sex and it’s just going to be the best thing ever. And then we have sex and it’s like, why do I feel so sad? Why? Why is this not… I don’t feel more connected to you, I feel farther away from you.”
We have news for Bethany — that’s how it is for a LOT of folks who save themselves for marriage. Sex gets too hyped up and often doesn’t meet expectations — especially since for many it takes a bit of time and experience before sex is even good, let alone great.
That said, she clarified:
“I don’t think that necessarily had anything to do with saving myself for marriage. It was just that I married the wrong person.”
Obviously that would make it even worse!
Because she clearly wasn’t into the sex and she was also in a long-distance relationship as she filmed the popular teen drama, she lost her sex drive. She was forced to set up a sex schedule with her spouse. She dished:
“I didn’t have this attraction. I didn’t have the drive really ever. We just weren’t connected. And so because I was so disinterested in sex, I was then asked to go on a schedule basically of like, here’s how you can, you just have to do it.”
She went along with it because she felt it was her “duty” as a wife and something she had to do “in order to keep the peace in [her] marriage” — even though she “hated it.” Oof. The 43-year-old said:
“I’ve made a commitment and I take marriage seriously, and I made a promise before God. This is something I really want to figure out how to make it work. So, I hated it, but I was like, OK, if this is what I’m supposed to do [I will do it].”
Every time her husband would come to visit, her “stomach dropped.” It just wasn’t what she wanted.
Most upsettingly, even after they separated, that lack of desire for sex lasted into Bethany’s future relationships:
“It really affected my relationships afterwards. Like other boyfriends that I would have, when I had to go pick them up from the airport, I had so much PTSD from showing up at the airport to see him knowing that I was going to have to start this sex schedule for the next like 2 weeks or three weeks or whatever.”
Oof.
Remarkably, the When the Stars Go Blue singer actually feels bad for her ex, adding:
“And it’s so sad because he, like the poor guy, like never had a shot, was raised by this narcissist. He’s thrust into a marriage with a girl that’s not right for him. He’s doing the best that he can. He’s been fed all these lies about men and machismo and warriors and all this s**t that like he was raised in that. So, it was just a mess all around.”
Right. Even a vulnerable 20-year-old can be talked into a cult. What chance does a baby just learning about the world stand?
Bad feelings about sex aren’t the only lasting legacy of her marriage. Bethany and QB share a daughter. Bethany explained she didn’t want kids for “a long time” because she was “miserable” in the relationship but once — after several years — she managed to get into a “happy enough” place with QB, they started to try. She detailed:
“I did want a baby. I’d always wanted a baby. I always wanted to be a mom. I didn’t want to do it in a time when I was full of emotional turmoil. That took about six years to get to that point.”
Her daughter is now the one good thing that came out of the messed up decade she spent with the Big House Family! It’s probably why she’s able to have some compassion for her ex-husband despite all he put her through.
Alex then wondered if her iconic romance with James Lafferty on the show — they played husband and wife Haley and Nathan Scott — impacted her marriage at all. After all, she was play-acting such a “loving” marriage compared to her reality. Bethany agreed she used it as escapism, noting:
“I did, yes. And only in the moments when the cameras were rolling. And so it worked with the storyline. I mean, Nathan and Haley had great chemistry and so I, I leaned into it, but I thank God James and I were able to really maintain a totally professional relationship.”
Insisting nothing ever happened IRL, she continued:
“Like I just never, I always sort of saw him in real life as a brotherly figure and he was lovely. So, we never crossed that boundary and I never had to worry about having feelings for [him]. That would have been really, really difficult.”
But as you can imagine, her partner was NOT a fan of the onscreen romance with another man! She reflected:
“Nobody cared [in the cult], except my husband. I mean, he hated it, but he also wanted me to quit acting so I would stop making out with other guys.”
Ugh!
A guy raised in a cult exhibiting controlling behavior? Shocker.
Worse, he had the audacity to be mad when he was making bank off her success, too! Later in the podcast, Bethany claimed he stole $2 million from her amid the marriage — money she made mostly because of the TV show! Awful.
We’re sure this is just the tip of the iceberg. Lots more will be revealed in the full book out on October 22. Reactions, Perezcious readers? Share them (below).
[Image via WENN/Avalon & Warner Bros. Television/Hulu]