While we weren’t there with him during his harrowing night in jail, we can only imagine how scared Justin Bieber was after being arrested early this morning.
In fact, we DID imagine what it was like. Here’s our play by play analysis of what probably happened!
First, the news broke around the world that Biebs had been arrested. Here’s the news covered by The Daily Prophet:
Then, just like one of his egg’s against his neighbors house, Justin probably cracked under the pressure of being thrown into jail:
After that, Biebsy ran into the Bluth family, asked them where the nearest bucket was to go pee in, and tried to steal that ice cream sandwich before guards told him “no touching:”
Following that, Justin spent $75,000 on strippers in jail, not to recreate his trip to a Brazilian brothel, but to perform a rousing (and arousing) rendition of Cell Block Tango, which may or may not earn him a Tony Award:
Pretty soon, just like one of his eggs, Justin eventually came out of his shell singing Like a Virgin in honor of him popping his jail cherry:
After his bail was set at $2,500 (30 times less than what he spent in one night at a strip club), Justin’s chief concern was his escape from his own personal Alcatraz:
Eventually, Justin crawled through five hundred yards of “piece of sh*t” tweets from Seth Rogen to his freedom:
We hope he detoxes today, and for the rest of his life! Hey, maybe Lil Za can be his designated driver?