Forget about Donald Trump‘s lawyer Michael Cohen getting raided by the FBI! THIS is real news!
On Monday night, Tucker Carlson ended his Fox News show with a story from the Wall Street Journal about “aggressive and sex-crazed” pandas! We kid you not!
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The conservative pundit exclaimed:
“You know the official story about pandas ├óΓé¼ΓÇ¥ they’re cute, but adorably helpless, which is why they’re almost extinct. But like a lot of what we hear, that’s a lie… The real panda is a secret stud with a taste for flesh and a fearsome bite… They’re not against sex, either ├óΓé¼ΓÇ¥ they just hate unsexy zoos… But when they’re in the wild, male pandas engage in a fierce sexual contest. The winner has sex 40 times in a single afternoon.”
As seen here:
TUCKER IS ON IT pic.twitter.com/UIxHXlWHxF
— David Mack (@davidmackau) April 10, 2018
Earlier in the show, Carlson criticized competitor CNN for treating Michael Cohen’s F.B.I. raid as breaking news, and for cutting short United States Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley‘s comments about Syria.
He smirked:
“Well, that raid is reportedly connected to the Stormy Daniels story that CNN covered wall-to-wall and of course, Stormy Daniels is way more important than any war with Syria… That’s CNN’s position.”
Yeah, it’s only our president’s communications with his personal lawyer being seized by the U.S. Attorney as part of a criminal investigation. Nothing to see here!
Of course, several social media users took to Twitter to mock the network for distracting from the Cohen news in favor of a story about horny pandas.
See the best reactions (below):
i am speechless… i am without speech pic.twitter.com/JzCG3PZx1t
— David Mack (@davidmackau) April 10, 2018
Breaking News on…
CNN: Cohen raided by FBI
NBC: Cohen raided by FBI
CBS: Cohen raided by FBI
ABC: Cohen raided by FBI
FOX: … pic.twitter.com/DRV9e1Q3ig
— Patrick S. Tomlinson (@stealthygeek) April 10, 2018
For those still in disbelief that Tucker Carlson was talking about pandas instead of Trump’s attorney getting raided by the feds pic.twitter.com/UP0IaappUA
— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) April 10, 2018
THANK YOU, Tucker Carlson, for keeping us informed tonight about all of the big news. America needs patriots like yourself who are willing to tell the truth, even when it is hard. pic.twitter.com/wk8PzmIohW
— Judd Legum (@JuddLegum) April 10, 2018
Tucker is on one tonight pic.twitter.com/XqnG92LBAN
— Max Tani (@maxwelltani) April 10, 2018
<700 mentions sending me tucker nympho panda>
— Kilgore Trout (@KT_So_It_Goes) April 10, 2018
Wait, was there a fucking panda bear in the offices of the President’s attorney when federal agents came charging in with that warrant? Or is Tucker Carlson the exact opposite of a journalist and his broadcast the Platonic ideal of gibbering insanity? https://t.co/2GloibNl1K
— David Simon (@AoDespair) April 10, 2018
I’m trying to tweet something witty about this but I keep looking at it, cracking up and having to start over pic.twitter.com/TQsGvfoBBP
— Sulome Anderson (@SulomeAnderson) April 10, 2018
Worked way better with the music. pic.twitter.com/GYPtRchlpx
— Jim Swift (@JSwiftTWS) April 10, 2018
Amazing. We made this joke in Anchorman about fluff news and he’s actually doing it (to cover for Trump) https://t.co/9cHVDiPLu7
— Adam McKay (@GhostPanther) April 10, 2018
[Image via Fox News.]
