Sweden Decriminalizes Public Masturbation After An Old Dude Fondles His One-Eyed Skarsgård At Beach!

Stockholm Syndrome just got a whole lot weirder!

A 65-year-old horn-ball was charged with sexual assault recently after unsheathing his Pippi Longstocking at a Swedish beach and stroking her in public; sadly, this isn’t the shocking part of this story.

He was arrested and charged with sexual assault, but the courts actually ended up acquitting the dude! They ruled the man committed no actual offense because his “activities” weren’t directed toward any particular target!

Uh… So, they’re saying it’s okay stab-a your ABBA in public, but only if you aren’t checking out the girl next to you with the dragon tattoo!?

Prosecutor Olof Vrethammar agrees with the verdict. He admitted:

├óΓé¼┼ôFor this to be a criminal offence it’s required that the sexual molestation was directed towards one or more people. I think the court’s judgement is reasonable… The district court has made a judgement on this case. With that we can conclude that it is okay to masturbate on the beach.├óΓé¼┬¥

Wow! We don’t even know where to begin!

Can you fondle your Swedish meatballs in public, too, or is that crossing the line?

And what about after you’ve climaxed (Icona) popped? What are the rules for clean up?

Either way, we’re glad we don’t work on the janitorial staff at IKEA because it’s about to get real messy!

On a tangentially related note, if Alexander Skarsgård ever wants to spend a day at the beach day with us in his native land, we are totally down, LOLz!!