Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner getting divorced marked the biggest break up of 2015, and we’re still saddened by seeing a decade of love fall apart.
So, we decided to reach out to Relationship Expert Dr. V to find out her take on what really caused the split between the power couple, and how you can avoid those pitfalls in your own!
And we’re so glad we did, because she had a lot of excellent points on what may have gone wrong in the relationship.
[ Related: 10 Movies That Ruined Their Stars’ Romantic Relationships ]
For instance, a lot of reports have come out saying the Bennifer simply couldn’t make their hectic schedules work, to which Dr. V responded:
“I’m against the idea that a relationship should be ‘work’. If getting to know your partner, getting to know yourself or getting closer to your partner feels like ‘work’…you’re in the wrong relationship. This notion of ‘work’ in a relationship maddens me. It implies there’s a right and wrong way to do a relationship, and if it fails, you just weren’t working hard enough.”
That’s reassuring to hear!
But one of our biggest issues with their break up is if Ben and Jen can’t make it, how can any of our relationships be expected to last?!
Luckily, Dr. V also had some words of encouragement for anyone feeling that way, saying:
“We actually haven’t seen their marriage: We’ve seen photos, videos and whatever else but we haven’t heard their private conversations or read their texts to each other. We’re meaning-making creatures. We build stories of what we want to be true around what we see. And even if we did have access to all that private stuff, we shouldn’t be comparing ourselves to their relationship or anyone else’s, because it’s a completely inaccurate comparison. You’re comparing your inside to someone else’s outside. It’s not that Ben and Jennifer’s personal life is affecting our view of relationships: The problem is when our fairy-tale expectations on celebrities don’t survive their collision with reality.”
That’s a really good point!
Just because we like both Ben and Jen doesn’t mean they were perfect — it shouldn’t have any affect on our real world love lives.
[ Photos: Ben Affleck & Jennifer Garner — Through The Years ]
Dr. V also touched upon the fact that Ben and Jen had been going to therapy for two years before deciding to call it quits:
“A good cue to meet with outside counsel would be if a couple finds themselves having the same argument or conflict over and over again, and the solution to the problem keeps evading them. That’s when bringing in a third party whose only interest is helping the couple reconnect makes sense.
Often things can get worse before getting better, but the sign of therapy not working is that nothing changes. As far as throwing in the towel, I’d throw in the towel on the therapist, counselor or whoever and try a different one before throwing in the towel on each other.”
It’s always so interesting to get a professional’s opinion on huge breakups like this, and we couldn’t be more thankful for Dr. V’s time!
You can learn more about Dr. V and her take on all of Hollywood’s hottest couples at her YouTube page!
[Image via WENN.]
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