[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]
Justin Baldoni says he was sexually traumatized in a former relationship.
The director and star of It Ends With Us, which is all about domestic violence, opened up about his personal experience with sexual trauma in Wednesday’s new episode of How To Fail with Elizabeth Day. The actor explained he’d met a “beautiful young woman” at an Abercrombie & Fitch while in college at Long Beach State back in the day. He fell “right into this relationship because [he] was trying to fill a hole and a void where [he] just didn’t feel like [he] was enough.” Oof.
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Unfortunately, the relationship turned out to be toxic and had a lasting negative impact on him. The Jane the Virgin star expressed:
“It was a very bad relationship, and I kind of contorted myself and my personality to be what she wanted. I had strong values and opinions and beliefs going in, and those were very easily manipulated and reshaped to the point where a few months in I completely lost any sense of self that I had left. And it got very emotionally abusive.”
After experiencing the “sexual trauma,” the 40-year-old struggled to come to terms with what had happened, he reflected:
“[I] wrestled with that trauma for the rest of my life, because in my head, a man can’t experience sexual trauma at the hands of a woman. It’s also the way that society has kind of made me feel that, you know, it’s only the other way around, when in reality it can happen.”
That makes it even more challenging to process and heal after something like this.
Looking back, the performer, who has been open about his Bahá’í faith, believes he was taken “advantage” of after sharing that he “was hoping to save myself for marriage.” He neglected to share more, adding, “and that’s as detailed as I’ll get into the story.” He remarked:
“There are lines that can be crossed and take advantage of somebody and to be manipulated. But I told myself for 15 years after that that wasn’t actually what happened and that I did want it and all of the things that women have been feeling and experiencing for a long time.”
The idea of “acknowledging that a woman could take advantage of” him became “too much to hold for many, many years.” It wasn’t until his therapist helped him see the situation in a different light that he truly began the “healing” journey, he continued:
“One day my therapist asked me a very simple question. She said, ‘Justin, you do a lot of work in this space: If a woman told you that story, what would you call it?’ And that’s when I broke.”
As for what happened with the relationship, he noted:
“That relationship ended with cheating and infidelity. It was a terrible, terrible relationship. I left college, I moved to L.A., and it was actually thanks to that relationship ending that I ended up becoming an actor.”
Whoa. Not only did he become an actor, but he also spearheaded a hit film about a similarly sensitive topic! Very full circle. Speaking of, elsewhere in the interview, he also expressed regret over the Blake Lively movie not having a trigger warning at the start. The Five Feet Apart director said he pushed for one to be included, but the idea was shot down. He told listeners:
“I just didn’t want to re-traumatize the majority of my audience which is why I was advocating for a trigger warning at the front and things like that. But those are certain battles you can’t always win.”
As Perezcious readers know, the movie, based on Colleen Hoover‘s book of the same name, was very controversial for a variety of reasons, such as fans feeling like it was promoted too much like a rom-com despite the serious subject matter and rumors of a feud between the stars. Knowing Justin had such a personal connection to domestic violence while working on the project adds a whole new light to it all.
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If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, help is available. Consider calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233, or text START to 88788, or go to https://www.thehotline.org/.
