Nicole Kidman Wakes Up 'Crying And Gasping' In The Middle Of The Night Overcome With Grief After Her Mother's Death

Nicole Kidman is going through it.

The 57-year-old actress just lost her 84-year-old mother Janelle back in September, and the grief that swept over the A-lister at the time still hasn’t gone away. On Monday, in fact, the Australia native revealed more about that in a new interview with GQ — and her words about mourning the death of her beloved mother and the fears that have followed in her own life are truly heartbreaking.

Kidman got candid with the mag about Janelle’s recent passing and what it has meant for her, her husband Keith Urban, and their children. (As Perezcious readers know, Kidman and Urban share daughters Sunday Rose, 16, and Faith Margaret, 13 — and the actress also has daughter Bella, 31, and son Connor, 29, with her ex-husband Tom Cruise.)

Plus, now that the Babygirl actress is nearly 60 years old, she has her own mortality to think about. Noting how she feels those emotions more intensely than ever at this point in her life, Kidman stated:

“Mortality. Connection. Life coming and hitting you. And [the] loss of parents and raising children and marriage and all of the things that go into making you a fully sentient human. I’m in all of those places. So life is, whew. It’s definitely a journey.”

A journey, indeed. And that journey is most perilous at night! In a jaw-dropping admission, the Oscar winner revealed that she wakes up “crying and gasping” in the middle of the night thinking about life, death, and mortality:

“And it hits you as you get older how — it’s a ‘wake up at 3 a.m. crying and gasping’ kind of thing. If you’re in it and not numbing yourself to it. And I’m in it. Fully in it.”

Ugh.

As you may recall, Nicole lost her mother about two months ago while the Hollywood star was at the Venice International Film Festival. Kidman won the festival’s award for best actress for her work in Babygirl, but she wasn’t there to accept it. Instead, she’d rushed home to be with her family following Janelle’s death — and the movie’s director Halina Reijn read this statement on Kidman’s behalf to the festival audience:

“Today I arrived in Venice to find out shortly after, that my beautiful, brave mother Janelle Ann Kidman has just passed. I am in shock and I have to go to my family, but this award is for her, she shaped me, she guided me and she made me. I am beyond grateful that I get to say her name to all of you through Halina, the collision of life and art is heart-breaking, and my heart is broken.”

Then, about a month after that, Kidman was in El Lay attending the Hollywood premiere of Lioness‘ second season. While on the red carpet, she opened up to the media about her mother no longer being around to see her personal achievements and career successes:

“It’s been hard. It’s a hard road. I’m hanging in there. I wish my mama was here. That’d be the one thing I’d say. Everything is great with work but I wish my mama was here.”

So sad. No wonder she is struggling to deal with thoughts of mortality and grief. Sending all the love and light in the world to Nicole, Keith, and the extended Kidman family! You can read the full GQ feature at the link HERE, by the way.

For resources on mental health, visit https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/find-help.

[Image via MEGA/WENN]