Lance Armstrong's federal lawsuit wants $120 million out of him, but the disgraced cyclist has the most foolproof defense plan ever to get out of it. And it's absurd and hilarious and by 'foolproof' we mean it will NEVER WORK!
Are you ready for this??
Lance says that the case should be thrown out, because
Lance Armstrong may have been banned from biking after being linked to performance enhancing drugs, but the silver lining of the ugly ordeal was that his cancer research charity, Livestrong stayed intact.
The disgraced biker stepped away from the nonprofit organization, but apparently that wasn't enough for some donors who are asking for their money back!
Talk about a match made in HOLY CRAP!
In the most shocking, jaw-dropping, pinch-us-because-we-must-be-dreaming-about-Zefron news we can remember, Oprah Winfrey has reached down from her magnificent royal tower and extended her glorious hand to the lost and forlorn Lindsay Lohan!!!
In what will be her first interview after finishing up her court-ordered rehab stint, Lindz has agreed to do an exclusive sit-down with The Big O!
Whoa!!! This makes the Lance Armstrong interview look like small (and artificially-enchanced) potatoes!!!
Even CRAZIER, LiLo will be given her own eight-episode documentary series on Oprah's OWN network!!!!
The network's spokesperson confirmed:
Does it get harder or easier to cheat after you've admitted to doing it?
On one hand, you'll have more people watching your every move — on the other, you don't really have to convince people supplying the illegal performance enhancers you're not a cop! LOLz!
Lance Armstrong has just announced his first race since admitting he was a liar, cheater, and completely untrustworthy person. You know, all despite being banned from cycling competitions FOR LIFE.
He just can’t seem to settle down!
Just months after buying a new house in Austin, Lance Armstrong is already selling it!
The disgraced cyclist sold his Lake Austin home only six weeks after getting the deed, and has quickly moved on.
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Sometimes the long relationships are the hardest to endure (especially with a cheater) — and that's why Nike is dropping Livestrong like a sack of potatoes!
Lance Armstrong hasn't been making new friends, and it looks like even things he touches can't seem to keep ones that have been around for almost a decade! NINE YEARS the relationship between Nike and Livestrong has gone on, and it's now gone!
Officials have said that Livestrong is “deeply grateful” to Nike, which helped raise $100 million for the organization. Here's more of what they said:
When is the doping madness going to stop???
It's been enough that we've had to deal with Lance Armstrong's doping scandal, but now Olympic discus silver medalist, Darya Pishchalnikova has been banned from the Olympics for 10 years, and is also set to get her medal taken away.
Last year, Pishchalnikova received a silver medal at the London Olympics, but after she tested positive for the illegal drug Oxandrilone, she won't be able to compete for a whole decade.
Federation president, Valentin Balakhnichev said:
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