At least in China!

A new Chinese government-mandated internet filter software deems pictures of Paris Hilton, Garfield, roast pork and Johnny Depp as harmful to your moral health!

Beijing ordered that all personal computers sold in China after July 1 must have the Green Dam software installed, which is designed to block pornographic and violent images.

How is roast pork violent or pornographic?!

Critics of the software fear that it will be used to extend censorship!

When the software is installed, it blocks harmless images such as the film poster for cartoon Garfield, dishes of flesh colored cooked pork and a close up of Johnny Depp's face.

Maybe they are scared that people will start feeling their cat Italian food, roast pork may satisfy the urge for human flesh and Johnny's face would get the ladies all riled up!

With the image filter off, searches with words like "nude" are blocked, but if you're on the hunt for adult websites you can find links to soft and hardcore porn.

Looks like someone need to go back to the drawing board!

Unfortunately, the software has been programmed to filter categories including "gay" and "illegal activities", which health activists fear will limit resources to sexual health and AIDS education.

Government critics worry the "illegal activities" section will cover political and social activities not approved by Beijing, which would further impede on the freedom of their citizens!

Shame!

[Image via WENN.]

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This has been one hellaciously bad year for the Chuck E. Cheese brand!

2009 started with some fights breaking out at a Chuck E. Cheese in Pennsylvania.

Then, more fights took place at another Chuck E. Cheese in Pennsylvania. A toddler was even found abandoned at a Chuck E. Cheese in Maryland, followed by more incidents of fighting at another joint.

Then, again with more reports of fighting elsewhere in the country and one spot in Illinois was even shut down for a bit after they were discovered to have been selling liquor to minors.

After a few more fights were reported in April, it seemed the chaos related to the "kid friendly" spot was over.

Not so fast!

Bad news for one Chuck E. Cheese in Kennesaw, Georgia. The joint was robbed at gunpoint early Sunday morning by two men at around 1am.

As the employees were getting ready to leave, the burglars ordered them back in to open the safe and handover the cash.

Luckily, no one was hurt, but the douchebags did manage to take off in a small sedan with police still on the lookout.

Poor Chuck E.!

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A man who was allegedly ripped off by a McDonalds in Clackmas, Oregon, was so angry at the drive-thru employees that he called 911 on them!

Repeatedly!!!

Jeremy Lloyd Martin cried to 911 operators that the employees at McDonalds overcharged him for a hamburger and fries!

Granted, he says he paid $10 for the normally $2 meal, but still!

That's shiz you complain to a manager about, not 911!!!

The dispatcher told Martin just that: "Sir, this is not a police matter," the 911 operator is heard saying on the tape of the call. "You need to take it up with the manager of the McDonald's."

Martin was far from dropping the issue! He called 911 back and told the dispatcher, "This is a 911 emergency… I got robbed for eight dollars."

The dispatcher replied: "Sir, 911 is life-and-death only. If you do continue calling 911 you will be arrested for misuse."

But Martin wasn't giving up, no way!

"Well, arrest me at (expletive) 82nd and Sunnyside Road… Please send a cop right now. I swear to God all my life…," he reportedly yelled at the operator.

Dumbass!

After the fact, the hamburglar-ee apparently still believes his situation was a honest-to-god emergency. Said Martin: "I was very upset that they tried to charge me for food I had already paid for."

The McDonalds employee working the drive-thru that night made a 911 call herself: to complain of three men harassing her from outside of the fast food restaurant.

Guess who we believe?!

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Drum roll, please…

Ladies and gentleman, we present to you 2009's World's Ugliest Dog!

Pabst, a boxer-mix, took top honors at the 21st annual World's Ugliest Dog competition at the Sonoma-Marin fair on Friday night.

Pabst's "bitter beer face" won over the judges and his owner, Miles Egstad, was awarded $1,600 for his mangey mutt's win.

Aww, he's not that ugly!

Just in need of some major orthodontia!!

[Image via AP Images.]

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We're going to have nightmares for days!!

Recently-sober Andy Dick was the leader in a PETA protest on the McDonalds corporation in Chicago on Thursday afternoon, dressing as a deranged Ronald McDonald!

Scary.

Never one to shy away from publicity, Andy was leading the pack of veggie-friendly protestors in the fight against McDonalds treatment of chickens. According to PETA, "chickens killed for McDonald's have their throats cut while they are still conscious, and many are scalded to death in defeathering tanks, thanks to the outdated slaughter methods used by the company’s suppliers."

Ick!!!

We're all for animal rights, but do U think PETA and Andy's wackadoodle method of protest shined a light on the issue at hand?

Hey, they got a mention on our website. That's worth something a lot!

[Images via PETA.]

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We prefer the old fashioned middle finger, but this could be interesting!

The Travel Channel will air reality competition series The Streets of America: The Search for America's Worst Driver, where motorists compete in different cities across the country for the title of worst driver!!!

Start the search in El Lay!

You'll find them all here!!!!

Although the winner is the worst driver, the runners-up will be the ones who win "driving-related" prizes.

We don't like the idea of rewarding mediocre driving!

Attention Angelenos!!!!!

May we suggest the 405/101 interchange challenge?!

[Image via WENN.]

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With the Circus coming to Ireland, Britney Spears is preparing for her migration to a new hotel.

But, BritBrit's team cancelled their booking with a top Dublin hotel when the venue refused to install a requested stripper pole in Brit's suite.

How rude!

Apparently, however, the Four Seasons was willing to accommodate Britney's classy demands, and that's where the crew will be holed up for the duration of the tour's dates there.

According to a source, Britney "adores working out on a pole as it helps her keep toned."

So why didn't she just check into a Motel 6? That seems more up her alley!

[Image via WENN.]

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After the reveal of the new Burger King ad (above), featuring a scantily clad Piers Morgan, inquiring minds wanted to know: Is that really him? Or has air-brush performed it's magic?

Piers confirms that "the picture speaks for itself."

Well, that confirms nothing, really!

Then, when prompted to comment on whether or not his fellow Britain's Got Talent judge Simon Cowell would join in on the naked fun, Piers was intrigued with the idea, saying: "I think there's more chance of Simon Cowell flying to the moon in a wheelbarrow, than there is of him ever doing something like that. I'm seeing [him] at the Royal Ascot races tomorrow, so I'm going to put it to him for you."

C'mon, Simon, take off that grey baby-tee and show us the goods!

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KISS frontman Gene Simmons has always had a desperate need for attention!

He wants you to look at him so badly, he'll even let you pee on him!!!!

That's right!

Urinal cakes bearing the image of the hasbeen have been spotted all over NYC bathrooms!!

It gets worse!!

According to reports, some cakes even talked!

Probably spouting remarks about the size of your Family Jewels!

Too bad the picture of Simmons wasn't from his open mouthed KISS days!!!!

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