Liam Payne’s Sister Ruth Says It's 'Impossible' To Live Without Him Exactly Six Months After Tragic Death

It’s been six months since Liam Payne‘s tragic death, and his sister Ruth Gibbins is having a really tough time moving on without him. Heartbreaking.

On Wednesday, Ruth penned a heartfelt letter to her late brother on Instagram, expressing:

“6 months, half a year without you?! My head is still screaming for you. Each morning on waking, I feel like I am plunged underwater, gasping for air that never comes to relieve me. Living without you is impossible, so for now, I exist. I’m learning to laugh or smile in the right places, but mate, it’s exhausting when all I want to do is speak to you.”

Oof. We cannot imagine how difficult this must be for her and the whole family.

Related: Liam Payne’s Friend Roger Nores Withdraws Lawsuit Against Dad

As Perezcious readers know, the One Direction star fell to his death on October 16 at an Argentina hotel. He was just 31. While he struggled with addiction and mental health, his fatal fall was still so shocking to so many, his sister included.

These days, Ruth is trying to cling to the happy memories she shared with her BFF, she continued:

“In the few moments I allow myself to feel love and not just loss. I can really smile at the memories of us, like last year when we were doubled over laughing at us trying to make something we’d seen on youtube, but memories are always tinged with sadness at how unfair it is we can’t make new ones.”

That doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel his presence with her, the 34-year-old expressed:

“I can sometimes hear you laughing at me walking around like Whoopi Goldberg in ‘ghost’, looking for you everywhere I go. I see you though, you’re always coming through in different ways to put me back on the right path. I can’t process what’s happened and the finality of it, you know I will never stop doing all I can for you.”

Such a good big sis! She sadly ended the message:

“I miss you loudly, quietly and in all the moments in between. Love you so much more than these words or my tears are capable of expressing but I know you know this. For now, I’ll meet you in my dreams.”

So sweet but devastating. To go along with the tribute, she also shared an adorable throwback photo of the siblings (below):

Liam also left behind his other older sister Nicola Payne as well as his grieving parents and many other loved ones. Moments like today’s six-month anniversary of Liam’s passing are never easy. We’re sending love to all those mourning the artist!

[Image via Phil Lewis/WENN & Ruth Gibbins/Instagram]