You know, we're in a recession. Folks just got to cut back.

Unless you're Charlie Sheen, in which case you can wipe your ass with money and still be able to pay the cable bill.

A list of the highest earning players on T.V. was released today and as you can imagine, most of these people make more in an hour of television than some people do in a year!

For instance, did you know that Mr. Sheen makes $1.25 million per episode of Two and A Half Men? Doesn't that make you just want to cut him on Christmas morning?

Did you know that Kate Gosselin makes $250,000 per episode of Kate Plus Eight. You can argue that sextuplets can't feed themselves, but in this case, we think your wrong. If she is making that kind of bank, imagine what the kids are getting?

Did you know that if you add together what Ellen DeGeneres, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel and Judge Judy make in a year that still isn't half of what Oprah Winfrey takes home?

How much exactly does she make? Brace yourself - $315 million a year!

That is INSANITY!

There are tons more actors who make tons more money, but we think we'll spare you the rest. You probably feel poor enough!

[Image via AP Images.]

LOLz.

As we previously mentioned, the Train song Drops of Jupiter was source of Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller's Christmas Day domestic dispute.

But lead singer Patrick Monahan doesn't seem to mind. He took to the band's Twitter to reveal how the song might benefit Charlie.

Monahan Tweeted:

"I'm pretty sure that Drops of Jupiter is a positive part of Charlie Sheen and his daughter's relationship. Just gonna look at it that way."

Ha. He's really stretching, but it was a nice try.

P.S. CLICK HERE to "follow" Perez on Twitter!

[Image via WENN.]

Well, how comforting!

Instead of getting incoherently drunk, he probably just had lots of nasty sex with anonymous women! Because he doesn't have a problem with excess or anything, right?

This past week, Charlie Sheen somehow escaped jail and significant rehab time and made his way to the Playboy mansion to celebrate, but don't worry, folks, because according to pornstar Ron Jeremy, the scumbag stayed completely sober!

How nice! What an effort that must have been!

BARF.

Oh well, we'll sure it will only be a matter of time before he falls off the wagon or pulls some other despicable shiz that will land him back in court!

Thoughts??

[Image via WENN.]

What is the purpose of that?!

Charlie Sheen kept a fake ID in his wallet and that's the one he gave to police when he was arrested after the Christmas Day incident with his wife Brooke Mueller last year!

Sheen reportedly told the cop:

"It's fake, I had it made from someone on the set after I lost the real one."

The cop confiscated the license, but he wasn't charged for possessing the fake California ID even though it's illegal.

WTF?

[Image via WENN.]

Kind of. In a way. Okay, here's the thing:

Even though Charlie Sheen is a pretty piss poor hubby and human being, there are two things he is pretty good at: getting away scott-free and being a Dad.

According to new documents filed by the Aspen police, Charlie admitted that the infamous X-Mas meltdown began because of his love for Train. (That's the band, not the mode of transportation.)

Actually, Charlie shares this soft spot for the the band with one of his daughters. Their personal fave song? Drops of Jupiter, of course. The pair also share a passion for astronomy and because of that, Charlie went out and bought two tracking telescopes; one for his daughter and one for himself so "they could both look at the same point in the universe at the same time, as a way of staying connected."

Aw! That's kind of sweet!

Well, according to the report, Charlie told the police that his wifey, Brooke Mueller, didn't share our sentiment and in fact, was uber jealous of Charlie's relationship with his daughter.

Of course! Who wouldn't be! His daughter gets grand gestures of love and all she gets is a Christmas vacay in Aspen with all the blow you can sniff! Hard knock life, bb!

The report goes on to explain that Charlie told the police that Brook got angry and screamed, "you have a song with you share with your daughter, but not one with me?'" Things then turned violent when they started to "slap" at "each others hands or wrists." Then, you know where the story goes.

Kind of a stupid thing to fight about. So petty and trivial.

Bet his daughter feels really good right about now!

[Image via WENN.]

Right now, we were hoping to hear about Charlie Sheen working on some intense therapy in rehab or better still, pacing the cement floor of a prison cell.

And yet, even though he was found guilty of attacking his wife, Charlie is a free man and where he wants to hang out is the only place in the world where girls will flock to you no matter what your race, age, size or coherency - the Playboy Mansion!

Charlie's wild night at the mansion was perfectly timed as Hugh Hefner hosted his annual Midsummer's Night Dream pAArty on Saturday. The get-out-of-jail free bird caused a lot of chatter when his impromptu visit was overshadowed by the red silk and paisley robe he was wearing.

A witness at the party said that the outfit worked with the ladies as a "bevy of beauties" were all over him from the moment he arrived.

We think Charlie has certainly learned a valuable lesson from all this.

We just have no idea what that could be.

[Image via WENN.]

Three months before their Christmas spat, Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller got into another heated argument - and luckily, no one was killed!

Police reports claim that Charlie shoved Brooke's head into a piece of furniture after she accused him of sleeping with prostitutes. She suffered a head injury that resulted in a CAT scan and treatment by multiple doctors.

Officer Rick Magnuson wrote:

"I asked [Sheen] if he ever harmed Mueller in the past. [Sheen] stated that approximately two months ago, in California, Mueller accused him of sleeping with prostitutes. [Sheen] stated that he denied this allegation, which escalated into a 'huge fight.' He added that when Mueller attempted to leave the argument, he grabbed her by the wrist, causing her to fall to the ground. [Sheen] added that Mueller hit the back of her head on a piece of furniture as she fell to the ground. [Sheen] stated that Mueller was injured when her head contacted the furniture. [Sheen] added that neither he nor Mueller reported this incident to law enforcement. [Sheen] added that Mueller received medical treatment for her head injury. [Sheen] added that the Mueller's injury was not intentional, adding that she accidentally hit her head as he was trying to restrain her.

She was very adamant that [Sheen] intentionally hurt her by throwing her to the ground, like a 'rag doll.'”

WTF?! The $$$$$ isn't worth it, bb. Divorce his ass!

The man is a lost cause.

[Image via WENN.]

Yikes!

Charlie Sheen got off easy, but the taxpayers of Aspen paid 20,000 big ones for his court appearances!

Aspen Police Department spokesperson Stephanie Desaro explains:

“It cost both the Pitkin County Sheriff’s Department and the Aspen Police around $20,000 for his four appearances. The Aspen Police Department was in control of security outside the court, providing officers to deal with the media and things like that while the Sheriff’s Department picked up the bill for the staffing inside the court building.”

Sheen was sentenced to 30 days at Malibu's Promises Treatment Center plus 36 hours of anger management and three months probation.

It's also up to Promises if he can come and go from the center — like a hotel!

This guy gets lucky break after lucky break!

[Image via WENN.]

Well this is certainly inneresting…

The El Lay Police Department have apparently found multiple suspects while investigating the June theft of Charlie Sheen's car, which was later found abandoned in a ravine near the actor's Mulholland Drive home!

Spokesperson Richard French says:

"They do have more than one suspect, and they are working with images that were captured on surveillance video. The suspects are NOT former or current employees of Charlie Sheen."

Whatever, we think they should just blame Sheen for leaving the keys in his vehicle and out in the open on more than one occasion!

Did he not learn his lesson the first time his car was taken in February? Or was he just too fucked up on whatever the hell it is he takes?

[Image via Getty Images.]