[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]
Amber Portwood is getting seriously candid about never-before-heard details of her life in her new memoir, So, You’re Crazy Too? And by candid, we mean multiple pregnancies she kept secret for years! Wow.
The Teen Mom star’s book was released on Tuesday, and she used the opportunity to open up about two secret pregnancies, one that ended in a “devastating” abortion and one that ended in miscarriage. This book is not for the faint of heart.
To start, the 31-year-old admitted that while MTV cameras were filming in 2010, she was hiding a pregnancy — but the father wasn’t her ex Gary Shirley, whom she was arrested for assaulting around that time. They share 13-year-old daughter Leah Leann Shirley. While they were broken up, she linked up with an unnamed “heroin addict,” resulting in an unplanned pregnancy, she unveiled:
“When my ex [Gary] and I had broken up for a while because the fighting was so bad, I was hanging out with a heroin addict and I accidentally got pregnant.”
Knowing that she couldn’t care for another child at that time, she considered abortion, though she was very hesitant about the possibility at first, saying:
“Not being able to handle something and having to terminate a life were worlds apart for me.”
Ultimately, that was the very difficult route she decided to take, adding:
“I finally had an abortion, however it was devastating to me. Again, I do not know why I made the decisions I made during this time in my life.”
The 16 & Pregnant alum claimed that her drug use — which she’s been accused of while pregnant with her 3-year-old son James Glennon whom she shares with ex Andrew Glennon — may have led to the decision, noting:
“I was on drugs and I didn’t know what I was doing half the time.”
She then shared that she “had nightmares about abandoning [her] unborn child” and “cried uncontrollably for weeks afterward.” She also “didn’t sleep and lost a lot of weight.” We cannot imagine how emotional that decision must have been — and then to keep it secret from the world adds a whole other level of complications.
She and the unnamed heroin addict parted ways. Years later, she was hit with a chilling revelation — she recently learned that he passed away:
“This news made me cry even though I had not seen or talked to him in years. I knew he was an addict and not long for this earth, but we conceived a child together so I always felt a connection with him.”
Later in the book, Portwood had another secret pregnancy to reveal, and this one was just as difficult for her. The TV personality got pregnant again in 2013 after she was released from jail in December of that year. It was with another man, who also remained anonymous. Sadly, this time, her pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage. She opened up:
“When I miscarried after falling pregnant by a boy I dated for a few months right after prison, it shook me, even though I had no business having a baby with anyone else at that time in my life.”
And after what she had just gone through… awful.
Related: Chrissy Teigen Seemingly Hints At Surrogacy Plans Following Devastating Pregnancy Loss
She remembered “trying to fish the thing out of [her] toilet for a long time,” continuing:
“I wanted to bury it and mourn its loss but I couldn’t get to it. It’s was one of those moments in my life that I replay in my head over and over: me sobbing and trying to fish something out of a toilet for some inexplicable reason. I swear death just follows me around.”
Phew. That is gut-wrenching. We’re so sorry she had to suffer through both of these experiences, but we hope her vulnerability in sharing her story helps fans potentially going through similar situations feel connected. Thoughts?
[Image via MTV’s Teen Mom/YouTube]
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