[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]
Olympic gold medalist Shawn Johnson East is getting candid about a miscarriage she suffered in October 2017.
On a new episode of People’s podcast Me Becoming Mom, the gymnast opened up about her first pregnancy with husband Andrew East, going into more detail about the moment she learned she miscarried, and her initial reaction is truly heartbreaking.
As Perezcious readers will recall, Johnson East now shares son Jett James, 3 months, and daughter Drew Hazel, almost 2 years old, with the former NFL star. The couple had first revealed their miscarriage in 2017 before ultimately announcing they were pregnant again in April 2019. At the time, the duo shared an emotional video to YouTube in hopes of connecting with other couples who had struggled with the same loss. But what the athlete neglected to share then is that her first thought when she learned the tragic fate of her pregnancy was that it was her fault!
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Speaking to host Zoë Ruderman, also the Head of Digital at People, the 29-year-old explained that her old habits may have contributed to her loss, or so she believed:
“I had struggled so long with eating disorders, I had taken excessive amounts of Adderall and I had taken weight loss pills. I had abused my body for so long that my worst fear going through all of that back then was am I going to do permanent damage to my body? And I didn’t have a period for years and I had truly done harm.”
Thrilled about having a baby, her world came crashing down when a doctor informed her that she miscarried:
“And my first reaction when we miscarried and [the doctor] saying, ‘It’s nothing that you did,’ was ‘But it probably is.’ Oh my gosh, if I could go back to that doctor’s office, I was trying so hard to keep it together but I was breaking inside because in my mind, just as a mom, you have all of these guilts and these fears.”
News like that is never easy to hear, but adding all that blame must only make the miscarriage that much more emotional and challenging to grieve.
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Sadly, Shawn’s feelings didn’t end there. For a while, she believed the miscarriage might have been a signal from above.
“I was like, is my body not made to have children? Did I abuse it so much that it can’t carry a child? Is this God’s way of telling me I’m not meant to be a mom?”
Thankfully, for the two-time Dancing with the Stars alum, it wasn’t. Nowadays, she’s in full parent mode, soaking up every moment with her adorable little tots. Just look at the precious family (below)!
So sweet!
We hope Shawn sharing her truth not only helps her fully overcome this guilt, but brings comfort to other momma’s struggling with similar feelings. Thoughts? Share them (below)!
[Image via The East Family/YouTube & Shawn Johnson East/Instagram]
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