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John Mayer Becoming A Better Person?

| Filed under: John Mayer

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Could it be? Could Dr. Douche really have turned a new leaf? No Maybe.

Sources close to John Mayer claim that the singer is a changed man, and that after a “bumpy year” he’s planning on “lying low” from women.

Apparently, he’s even abstaining from one-night stands!

"When girls texted him for booty calls, he'd respond ….. Now he ignores them," says the source.

He’s reportedly obsessed with his new Apple product — the iPad, which apparently is his new “late night love.”

Um…bullshit. He gave up women for an iPad? We’ll give him another week before the iPad starts collecting dust and he’s back out there reclaiming the title of biggest douche in the industry!

[Image via Ray Garbo/WENN.]

Maniston Has The Worst Taste In Men

| Filed under: Jennifer AnistonLindsay LohanParis HiltonHayden PanettiereLove LineJohn Mayer

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She sure can pick 'em!

Jennifer Aniston's reported new man is Harry Morton, a bona fide man whore it seems.

The Hard Rock Hotel heir and founder of Pink Taco restaurants has been linked to several Hollywood clASS acts such as Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Hayden Panettiere.

Is this douchenozzle a John Mayer Part Deux?

We really hope not!

Though Morton' confesses that he hates the limelight, saying, "It is the worst thing of all time. That is not me…There are people out there who just love it. Not me."

Ha Ha, oh suuuuure! That's why you've chosen to date some of the biggest names in Hollywood who've also been passed around like a hot potato!!

Oh, Manison - please have some self respect and find a decent guy!

[Image via WENN.]

John Mayer Blogs About The Maniston!

| Filed under: Jennifer AnistonIcky Icky PooLove LineJohn MayerWhen Celebrities Blog

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Oh, here we go…

John Mayer, arguably the douchiest of all of the douchebags, is none to pleased with a recent article that ran about his alleged reconciliation with the MANiston, and feels strongly enough about it to write a self-indulgant rant on the matter!

Huffington Post FULL OF SHIT? (Yes!)

Ahh, Huffington Post, the internet Death Star. The world’s first spectator banking website. Come watch a site’s intelligence move in and out like bellows of accordion depending on whether or not there’s ad dollars to be sucked out of any willing orifice.

From their front page item “BACK TOGETHER?”:

Are John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston back on? Mayer seemed to indicate they might be when he spoke in front of a crowd of 18,000 at his concert on Sunday at the Hollywood Bowl in LA.

“I believe in second chances!” he said. “You might have been a pain in the ass the last time around, but you can still start over again from home base. Next time you get a text from the one you love just text back ‘come over’ - no matter what happened in the past. If you really love someone, just tell them and be with them.”

Huffington Post, this is reporting? How do you pay your writers now, in Silly Bandz? Do you meet your sources in a malt shoppe? This is equal parts fabricated, cobbled together and misleading. Let’s break it down: I don’t think I ever said “I believe in second chances!” but I can’t be 100 percent sure, as it’s possible I could have accidentally said something succinctly and to the point. The next sentence is from the song “Half of My Heart,” in reference to the idea that meeting new people allows for hiding old mistakes. (Well, for most people at least.) The sentence about texting comes from the show’s encore, “Edge of Desire,” in a moment of giving people permission not to beat themselves down for still wanting someone. Two sentences about different things at different points in a concert.

The reason I’m calling you out instead of all the other magazines that make stories up out of thin air is that In Touch and Star Magazine aren’t concurrently writing pieces about Pat Tillman or WikiLeaks. Those other rags know who they are, and even if they’re obnoxious, I’d rather have to live with them because they (and the rest of the world) know where they stand, which doesn’t make them one tenth as dangerous as you are. You’re a stripper wearing reading glasses. Or maybe you’re an insolvent law student willing to dance for a few extra dollars. Either way, it’s uncomfortable to watch you try to wrap yourself around a pole when you have that C-Span scar.

I’m not a politician. I have no celebrity endorsements. So it is with a clear conscience that I’m able to title your piece on this post, should you decide to try make a few more bucks for whatever body wash or slasher flick you’re hocking today.

JOHN MAYER SLAMS HUFFPO: ” GO F**K YOURSELF!”

Can't you just hear the horrific sounds of him jerking himself off as he gloats over what he's written?

GUH. Enough, dumbass!

Thoughts??

[Image via WENN.]

John Mayer With His Pops

| Filed under: Music MinuteJohn Mayer

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Cute!

John Mayer was spotted out with his father Richard at the Roger Room in El Lay after his Hollywood Bowl concert and he was being awfully cute with his dear old dad, pretending to be the paparazzi!

Nice to see him NOT being a douche for once!

[Image via Ability Films.]

We Hope This Isn't True!

| Filed under: Jennifer AnistonIcky Icky PooLove LineJohn Mayer

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UGH! We seriously hope this isn't true!

We may rag on her, but she is SO much better than this raging bag of DOUCHE!

The MANiston and John Mayer have reportedly reconciled AGAIN.

The dumbass singer reportedly has been attempting to win her back, and flew her out to meet him in NYC while he was there performing.

A source reveals:

“John invited Jen to come out and meet him while he was in Manhattan. He told her he really wanted to see her and even paid for a private jet to fly her from LA. They spent hours in his hotel suite at the Four Seasons, ordering room service and drinking wine. But Jen’s been hurt by him before and isn’t prepared to go public with the relationship just yet.”

So STOOPID. After all the shiz he pulled on her?

It's downright pathetic!

Let's hope this is just a nasty rumor, because gurl - his ass needs to STAY kicked to the curb.

Seriously, bb. You're better than him by a longshot. Find someone else!

[Image via AP Images.]

Franken-Heidi Starts A Rumor That John Mayer Wants To Date Her

| Filed under: John MayerHeidi Montag

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So a "friend" of Heidi Montag is telling people that John Mayer is trying to court her giant tittays.

And when we say friend, we assume that it's actually Heidi telling sources this for more attention! Because let's get real for a second - the man has had Sexual Napalm and Jennifer Aniston. Sure, he's a scuzz ball, but his peen has become accustomed to a certain amount of class!

However, according to this alleged "friend," John has been constantly "flirting" and asking Heidi out. Her reply:

"She's flattered, but not yet convinced. He's very good-looking and charming, but his reputation is a bit of a turn-off."

Ha! His reputation? What about your reputation?!

Boy, if ever there was a time for John to take to his Twitter, now would be it! Could you please put this rumor to bed, Johnny?!

[Image via WENN.]

Further Proof John Mayer Is An Idiot

| Filed under: PlayboyJohn Mayer

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

What the hell is he saying??

Matt Lauer interviewed John Mayer on The Today Show and asked about his controversial Playboy interview.

John spewed some nonsensical BS and added so eloquently, "I done goofed!" Talk about an understatement!

Check out the stoopidity above around the 1:00 minute mark.