"I find it's a weird world that we live in," Allen says. "I'm the worst culprit. I'm a total victim to material things. But you don't forget, because you're consuming at that rate and people are directly suffering as a result."

- Deep thinker Lily Allen

[Image via WENN.]

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When the gig is up for Lily Allen, it's off to suburban life for this Brit and boy, do we pity the poor sap who marries this trainwreck.

While performing at the V festival this past weekend, Lily admitted that she is already looking forward towards the end of her career, as she plans to retire at 25. And she has big plans for her future: "I just hope I can stay famous enough for a little bit so someone rich will marry me."

Yes, because we hear a lot of rich bachelors are keen to bring a hot mess like you to meet their mum.

And speaking of mums, that'll be phase two of life out of the biz for Silly Allen: children!

“I have every intention of becoming a suburban mum," says Lushy. "I want to get married and have children…I'd like to live in the country and have a walled garden, and chickens and pigs."

Bad idea! BAD IDEA!

We foresee the afternoon that Lily gets so drunk, she confuses the playpen for the pig pen and her baby has to waddle in mud for hours before someone notices!

Can't you stick to intoxication instead of moving on to procreation? It's what you know best!

[Image via WENN.]

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At least Jack Daniels wouldn't rag on you to the press!

Lily Allen has some "friends" who think that gabbing to the press about her drinking problems will somehow make them famous help Lily out. A few of these so-called mates came out and basically said she's a drunken, irresponsible whore.

We don't disagree, mind you, but where we come from, friends don't say things like this about friends to the media.

Blabs one pal:

"The drinking is taking its toll and making her take silly risks. Her record company was furious about the bad publicity she’s been getting recently and she’s been told to get her act together. Lily’s always contrite afterwards and filled with horror at what she might’ve done while she was drunk. She’s joked that she likes drink, but it doesn’t like her – and that’s true. Her outrageous behaviour also extends to her love life. She’ll hook up with anyone when she’s drunk."

What pals! She is so lucky to have these bitches by her side!

But Lily should know that deep down, they really are concerned for her, as they continue on to say: "For Lily, it’s about the attention. She’s still very insecure, despite looking her best at the moment."

Wow. Talk about the pots calling the kettle an attention whore.

Get new friends Lils!

[Image via WENN.]

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Did Lily Allen knock back a few too many last night????

The hard-pAArtying singer was spotted at the final Ashes Test Match (cricket, for all y'all Yanks) in London on Saturday afternoon closely resembling a frosty mug of beer!

Cheers!

[Image via WENN.]

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Warning: We have an epic HOT MESS on the loose!

Lily Allen was the very definition of a trainwreck as she cried her way through her performances in Helsinki, Finland last night!

Lily had apparently fallen the night before, from being in a drunken stupor seriously injuring her back. But even though she was in great amounts of pain, she still went on stage to cry perform for her fans.

At least she didn't cancel!

As she took the stage, she forewarned her audience for what they were in for: "I feel a bit emotional tonight and if I cry it's not because of you but because of me."

Ah, the old "it's not you, it's me" line. Be prepared to never seen her perform in Helsinki again, Finnish fans! Actually, that might not be such a bad deal for you guys, considering the show you got.

Feel better, bb, but quit the dramatics. Quite frankly, no one cares!

[Image via WENN.]

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We'll give Lily Allen some credit. At least she's honest!

Lily just purchased a rather pricey watch, but just hours later she was trying to sell it. For less than what she paid!

The hard-pAArtying 24-year-old singer purchased a Breitling watch for £4,440. But for whatever reason, Lily ended up not liking the watch, so she decided to try and sell it on her Twitter page.

The asking price? Just £3,200, so about $4,500!

Lily wrote on her wall earlier today:

"does anyone want to buy a brand new Breitling. its too big for me."

Cuz of course a normal person wouldn't try it on before purchasing it, right?

Then she writes:

"3200 quid, i bought it for 4440 euro, so id be making a loss."

She then posted a link to a picture of the watch which you can view online and wrote, "thats the watch. god im an idiot."

We agree!

[Image via Focus/WENN.]

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Lily Allen is looking rather HIGHlarious to us as she left a restaurant in London yesterday.

Why are her heavily made-up eyes bugging out like that?!?!

Did she forget to call BFF Kate Moss back? Did she spot a raccoon wearing the same eye shadow?

Did she snort something naughty????

Or has she finally realized that in order to stay relevant, she'll have to go back to having an actual career?

We'll let you decide.

[Image via Ramey Pix.]

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Lily Allen has revealed that she conceived a Spice Girls re-enactment number for the 2009 Brit Awards wherein she would be Posh, Adele would be Ginger, Duffy would be Baby, Leona Lewis would be Scary, and Amy Winehouse would be Sport because "She was always the one with the best voice."

Would have been spicy!

Too bad it didn't happen.

Maybe it can happen for VH1's upcoming Divas Live???

[Image via WENN.]

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Poor little Lila Grace.

On Friday in St. Tropez she found herself sandwiched between her druggie mother, Kate Moss, and motherly figure, Lily Allen.

What's a girl to do with role models like that?

And when did Kate and Lily get all buddy-buddy?

Was it in a bathroom stall at the club?

[Image via Fame Pictures.]

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