To most of us who live for Chrissy Teigen‘s hilarious social media posts or adorable red carpet appearances with husband John Legend, it seems like she has it all.
And maybe she does!
But everyone faces a battle no one knows about — and in the April issue of Glamour, the 31-year-old courageously penned an emotional essay about her “painful,” but secret battle with postpartum depression since giving birth to her daughter, Luna, last spring.
Related: The Internet Thinks John Legend Looks Like Arthur!
Even though she mentions feeling “privileged” to have the resources and support many other mothers facing PPD don’t have, Miz Teigen says it was important to her to write this open letter:
“But postpartum does not discriminate. I couldn’t control it. And that’s part of the reason it took me so long to speak up: I felt selfish, icky, and weird saying aloud that I’m struggling. Sometimes I still do. I know I might sound like a whiny, entitled girl. Plenty of people around the world in my situation have no help, no family, no access to medical care. I can’t imagine not being able to go to the doctors that I need. It’s hurtful to me to know that we have a president who wants to rip health care away from women. I look around every day and I don’t know how people do it. I’ve never had more respect for mothers, especially mothers with postpartum depression.”
She added:
“I’m speaking up now because I want people to know it can happen to anybody and I don’t want people who have it to feel embarrassed or to feel alone. I also don’t want to pretend like I know everything about postpartum depression, because it can be different for everybody. But one thing I do know is that├óΓé¼ΓÇ¥for me├óΓé¼ΓÇ¥just merely being open about it helps. This has become my open letter.”
Chrissy began to notice something was really off when she returned to set for Lip Sync Battle just months after little Luna arrived:
“Getting out of bed to get to set on time was painful. My lower back throbbed; my ├é┬¡shoulders├óΓé¼ΓÇ¥even my wrists├óΓé¼ΓÇ¥hurt. I didn’t have an appetite. I would go two days without a bite of food, and you know how big of a deal food is for me. One thing that really got me was just how short I was with people.”
She went on:
“I would be in my dressing room, sitting in a robe, getting hair and makeup done, and a crew member would knock on the door and ask: ‘Chrissy, do you know the lyrics to this song?’ And I would lose it. Or ‘Chrissy, do you like these cat ears, or these panda hands?’ And I’d be like: ‘Whatever you want. I don’t care.’ They would leave. My eyes would well up and I would burst into tears. My makeup artist would pat them dry and give me a few minutes. I couldn’t figure out why I was so unhappy. I blamed it on being tired and possibly growing out of the role: ‘Maybe I’m just not a goofy person anymore. Maybe I’m just supposed to be a mom.'”
And the symptoms weren’t just affecting her professional life:
“When I wasn’t in the studio, I never left the house. I mean, never. Not even a tiptoe outside. I’d ask people who came inside why they were wet. Was it raining? How would I know├óΓé¼ΓÇ¥I had every shade closed. Most days were spent on the exact same spot on the couch and rarely would I muster up the energy to make it upstairs for bed. John would sleep on the couch with me, sometimes four nights in a row. I started keeping robes and comfy clothes in the pantry so I wouldn’t have to go upstairs when John went to work. There was a lot of spontaneous crying.”
Of her official diagnosis in December, the supermodel revealed:
“Before the holidays I went to my GP for a physical. John sat next to me. I looked at my doctor, and my eyes welled up because I was so tired of being in pain. Of sleeping on the couch. Of waking up throughout the night. Of throwing up. Of taking things out on the wrong people. Of not enjoying life. Of not seeing my friends. Of not having the energy to take my baby for a stroll. My doctor pulled out a book and started listing symptoms. And I was like, ‘Yep, yep, yep.’ I got my diagnosis: postpartum depression and anxiety. (The anxiety explains some of my physical symptoms.)”
As for how the R&B singer has helped her through this very personal battle, Chrissy penned:
“John has been incredible over the last nine months, bringing me my medicine and watching horrible reality TV with me. He is not the goofiest guy, but he has gone out of his way to indulge my sense of humor. When I was having a good day, he would go to Medieval Times with me and put on the crazy period hat! He sees how much my eyes light up when he does that stuff, and he knows that’s what I need. I know he must look over at times and think: My God, get it together. But he has never made me feel that way. He wants me to be happy, silly, and energetic again, but he’s not making me feel bad when I’m not in that place. I love John and Luna more than I can imagine loving anything, and John and I still hope to give Luna a few siblings. Postpartum hasn’t changed that.”
Wow — we commend the cookbook author for being so vulnerable in opening up about her story, as we’re sure it will resonate with many moms experiencing similar circumstances.
To read Chrissy’s full letter, click HERE.
[Image via Glamour Magazine.]
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