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Uh, Doritos Plans To Start Selling Daintier, Quieter Chips Just For Women!

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Good news, ladies! The change you’ve been yearning for is finally here: Doritos for her!
What’s that? No one asked for this and the idea alone is hilariously regressive? Well, Doritos is doing it anyway!
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Execs at PepsiCo, which owns Doritos, revealed they are preparing to launch a new version of the snack that’s quieter to eat, therefore making it “lady friendly”!
In an interview with Freakonomics Radio, global chief exec Indra Nooyi broke down the many differences in how men and women consume the celebrated chips, dishing:

“You watch a lot of the young guys eat the chips, they love their Doritos, and they lick their fingers with great glee, and when they reach the bottom of the bag they pour the little broken pieces into their mouth, because they don’t want to lose that taste of the flavor, and the broken chips in the bottom. Although women would love to crunch crisps loudly, lick their fingers and pour crumbs from the bag into their mouth afterwards, they prefer not to do this in public.”

So what stops women from going completely HAM on a bag of Doritos like their dude counterparts?
According to research(?), the chips are just too damn crunchy! The exec added:

“Women would love to do the same, but they don’t. They don’t like to crunch too loudly in public. And they don’t lick their fingers.”

Thankfully, the chip company has already cracked a solution to correct this gender imbalance — a dainty, “low crunch” chip specifically designed for a woman’s needs! Nooyi continued:

“It’s not a male and female as much as ├óΓé¼╦£are there snacks for women that can be designed and packaged differently?’ And yes, we are looking at it, and we’re getting ready to launch a bunch of them soon. For women, low-crunch, the full taste profile, not have so much of the flavor stick on the fingers, and how can you put it in a purse? Because women love to carry a snack in their purse.”

Okay, they had us at making a powder that stays on the chips but lost us with the purse packaging.
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As feminist as Doritos for women sounds (which it doesn’t, at all), women’s groups have slammed the archaic idea as a “tired gender stereotype.”
A spokesman from the Women’s Equality Party said:

“Companies that perpetuate these tired gender stereotypes will continue to lose out on the single biggest consumer group: women. No doubt some male consumers will welcome the chance to have a bigger package. But the idea of shrinking products for women, no doubt for the same price, is as old as the Ad Men making these decisions.”

Honestly, fuck this. Women are still fighting for equal pay — now they have to start fighting for equal Dorito size?
Sounds like these execs have been snorting too much Cool Ranch powder.
[Image via Doritos/Instagram.]

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Feb 05, 2018 16:42pm PDT