Crystal Hefner Says Hugh SUCKED In The Sack - And She Was ‘Relieved When It Stopped’!

Hugh Hefner may have been the face of sex for DECADES… but that doesn’t mean he was any good at it!

With the release of Crystal Hefner’s memoir Only Say Good Things: Surviving Playboy and Finding Myself, we’ve been hearing tons of tea about the late Playboy founder. From his “unremarkable” penis, to his secret drug addiction, and even preventing Bunnies from escaping, Crystal has blown the lid off all the mansion’s dirty little secrets. But the latest? Hugh sucked in the sack!

In an excerpt of her book obtained by People on Wednesday, Crystal detailed that the first time she ever met Hugh was at a 2008 Halloween party where she was encouraged to go to his bedroom for a group sex sesh. That, she says, included no passion, to kissing, no intimacy, and not even any eye contact! She wrote:

“This was a well-oiled and well-practiced sequence of events. One that went the same exact way every time. Picking some girls from the party and bringing them up. Changing into the uniform for the job: silk pajamas. The dimming of the lights. The music. The porn. Passing the pot. And then the sex.”

Ick…

She called the sequence of events “odd and robotic,” adding:

“Hef was just going through the motions of something that had once been fun and sexy. Or maybe it was never fun and sexy.”

She suspected that because of his money and power, no one ever gave him helpful hints… even in the bedroom:

“I think when you have so much money and power and so many ‘yes people’ around you, you just stick with your own narrative in your mind, and then everyone else just goes along with it.”

The 37-year-old noted that on that first night, he never once batted an eye at her. Even when it was her turn to romp with the late 91-year-old!! He instead kept his eyes firmly fixed on a mirror overhead:

“There was nothing sexy about it. It was about power and control and leverage. It was a performance. I was auditioning for a part.”

She added that things didn’t ever change behind closed doors for the following nine years until his death, and wondered if he really believed the girls were actually enjoying their time with him:

“He seemed less sex-savvy than some of the teenage boys I’d been with years ago. It was clear to me Hef had never taken a moment in his entire life to figure out how to please someone else.”

Those poor girls!

As we know, Crystal did eventually marry Hugh, but that didn’t change much either. She wrote:

“I think he loved me as much as it was possible for him to love anyone. Hef’s dynamic with family was interesting. He would always tell me there wasn’t much love in his house growing up. Not between his parents or his parents toward him. So I don’t think he fully got it in terms of being in a relationship or being a father.”

Yikes…

But still, Crystal kept her head down and continued moving forward with the senior citizen, who relied on “little blue pills” to keep him able to perform sexually. She added that every time they’d do the deed, Hugh had to listen to music. So, she’d play the same Madonna song over and over on repeat — that way, she wrote, “no other music will be contaminated by this place.”

Oh, that really paints a picture of how bad it was. Bu now, we just wonder what song it was! But when the sex stopped in 2014, Crystal said it was a welcome loss — well, at least from him:

“I was relieved. There was no more bringing girls home, no more performances. For years, I had been keeping up the Playboy Playmate charade for Hef, for the public.”

Poor Crystal… As it turns out, she apparently went through so much in that infamous Playboy mansion.