Let’s be honest.
Some conspiracy theories are concocted to further an agenda. (Like say, if you could convince voters the Democrats interfered in the 2016 election instead of Russia, then all of your chumminess with Putin wouldn’t seem so… treason-y.)
Those usually take something simple and factual and spin it out into some kind of untenably convoluted alternative explanation to get around inconvenient truths certain people don’t want to face. (Like how if scientists are all lying about climate change, we don’t have to sell our Humvees.)
Other conspiracy theories just… make too much sense not to be true.
Enter Jeffrey Epstein. Well, the exit of Epstein we guess.
Related: Accusers Speak Out After Epstein’s Death
The convicted pedophile billionaire died in August while in jail awaiting trial on a new set of charges, including sex trafficking.
He reportedly committed suicide by hanging himself in his cell — but from jump street a great many people weren’t buying it. Heck, it may be one of the few things citizens of our divided America can agree on!
Why? Well, it’s multiple things. First, there are tons of powerful people who could potentially have been implicated in crimes connected to Epstein, who was accused of trafficking underage sexual partners to politicians, businessmen, etc, and using the knowledge as leverage over them. But we’ll come back to that.
Second, and more important to the latest findings? The circumstances surrounding his death are almost cartoonishly suspicious.
Well, his brother apparently thought so as well and hired a forensic pathologist, a former New York City medical examiner named Michael Baden, to examine the autopsy results and come to an independent conclusion. Baden has now done just that, as he told Fox & Friends on Wednesday:
“I think the evidence points to a homicide rather than a suicide.”
Just coming right out with it!
What’s his reasoning? Medically speaking, he explains:
“Because there are three fractures in the hyoid bone, the thyroid cartilage that are very unusual for suicide and more indicative of strangulation — homicidal strangulation.”
Fascinating. New York City officials ruled the death a suicide. We have no way of judging which opinion holds more weight, of course; our medical expertise extends to making it through about half the seasons of House.
https://giphy.com/gifs/house-hugh-laurie-gregory-1WgvJj1s9r6Ja
But when it comes to smelling something fishy, that we can do.
Epstein had already survived one reported suicide attempt and yet was taken off suicide watch very quickly. AND multiple guards were supposed to be checking on him. AND there were supposed to be cameras pointing at his cell. And yet… There were no witnesses or recordings of his death. We mean… come on! As Baden put it:
“I’ve never seen, in 50 years of investigating all deaths that occur in prisons in New York state, never have two guards fall asleep at the same time, while the video doesn’t work.”
Yeah, it’s a lot.
OK, so if he was murdered… that brings us back to the list of powerful people who could have been tied to his crimes. The sweetheart plea deal given to him at the time of his first conviction specifically, in writing, protected “any potential co-conspirators.” That wasn’t in place this time.
Epstein’s known associates included Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, Prince Andrew, Alan Dershowitz. And legal docs which were unsealed LITERALLY THE DAY BEFORE his death included several more names.
Across party lines, folks seem to agree this is all awfully damn convenient — but here’s where conspiracy theorists diverge.
[Again, we want to make it clear we are NOT endorsing any of these theories or accusing anyone of any crimes!]
We’ve seen many people suggesting Hillary Clinton — whose husband took several flights around with world with the sex offender — had something to do with it. Considering the many criminal theories surrounding her for the past 30 years, this was bound to happen. Why do you think the pathologist was on Fox & Friends?
However, we’ve seen just as many theories surrounding Trump, the man who once faced allegations of raping a 13-year-old girl (the unnamed accuser backed off, reportedly out of fear for her life). Theorists point out he was both connected to Epstein AND has a very loyal Attorney General in charge of investigating the circumstances of the man’s death while in custody.
A third theory — this one even wilder — is that Epstein isn’t dead at all but rather was replaced with a murdered double. We’re getting even more farfetched now, but we are talking about a BILLIONAIRE looking down the barrel of life in prison.
Sadly, we may never know what happened, and his many alleged victims may never get the closure they deserve.
What do YOU think happened to Jeffrey Epstein? And will the case ever be reopened?? Put on your most dapper tin foil hats and tell all in the comments section (below)!
[Image via New York State Sex Offender Registry.]
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