One year later, Nick Cannon is still struggling with the tragic loss of his infant son.
Back in early December of last year, the Nick Cannon Show alum revealed he and Alyssa Scott lost their 5-month-old son Zen Scott Cannon. The infant died following a difficult bout with brain cancer early in his all-too-short life. Now, one year after Zen’s passing, Nick is memorializing the late baby boy once again.
Early Monday morning, the 42-year-old father took to his Instagram account to reflect on Zen’s short life and heartbreaking death. Nick also revealed some details about his current mindset during this difficult time. Writing a long message about dealing with the loss of his son, the Wild’N Out host started:
“Physically I’m definitely on the mend but Mentally and Spiritually I’m broken. Been tossing and turning all night, and as much as I know I need rest, last night I couldn’t sleep at all. I can’t believe it’s been a year already since the toughest day of my life occurred. Such a painful anniversary.”
He went on to reflect on how losing Zen has been a “dark and depressive” thing to have to face. We can’t even imagine what he and Alyssa have been through with their grief over the past year.
The Drumline star explained:
“Losing a child has to be the heaviest, most dark and depressive experiences that I will never get over. A mixture of guilt, pain, and sorrow is what I suppress daily. I am far from perfect and often fall short and make decisions in my life that many question, but anyone who knows me knows my heart. I love hard, I love big and I love with my entire Heart and Soul and I just wish my Little Man could’ve felt more of that love while he was here on Earth.”
Admirably, the TV star tried to be optimistic about the situation. Later in the message, he explained how a spiritual advisor had been on hand to help counsel him through the pain:
“One of my Spiritual Leaders recently told me that I am in the midst of one of the most challenging seasons of my life, but encouraged me to be steadfast and know that all of this will only make me stronger, and to not lean on my own understanding but to rely on the the peace that surpasses all. But let me tell you, it’s tough…”
Cannon was recently hospitalized while battling pneumonia — and he touched on that recent medical trial, too:
“I know a few days ago I wrote a post from my hospital bed saying I will be okay and I just needed rest so don’t waste your prayers on me but I can definitely use those prayers right now…”
But ultimately, his full focus was on Zen as he concluded:
“Continue to Peacefully Rest My Son, Zen Scott Cannon. We Love you Eternally”
Along with the message, Nick shared a series of photos of Zen during his brief life. Those images included an adorable shot of the proud poppa holding his little boy:
Ugh. Just awful and heartbreaking.
Our sorrows continue for Nick and Alyssa over having gone through this loss. The AGT host has a full family(s) and lots of love around him, of course. But nothing can replace a child, and no amount of time will make it all OK. So sad…